Inquiring Minds Want to Know...

I rarely talk about the job on here. But one of the tech's I work with is this 22 year old cross between Jesse Pinkman and a leprechaun. Today he came up to me while the boss was out on assignment and I was Quickbooking some numbers around.

"Hey, uh, Jack." He says with clandestine urgency. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure kid, what's up?"

"Well, you've been around, right?"

"Yeah." I say not knowing where this is going and wanting to sound hip in the eyes of youth. "I've seen some shit go down in my time."

"Okay, well, what I want to know is...," he pauses to look around before inquiring, "have you ever tongue punched a bitch in the fart-box?"

"Uh....."

"It's just, well... how do you know when you're doing it right?"

I stare at him with what I can only hope is the proper mixture of confusion and horror. He raises his eyebrows at me and makes this pained face of an ignorance yearning for its opposite.

"Ummm... you're dad never explained to you how to, uh, 'tongue punch' a...."

"Tongue punch a bitch in the fart box. No, my dad's kinda of a serious Christian, I mean you were in the Navy, right? You should know about..."

"Fart boxes and tongue punches?"

"Uh-huh."

"Yeah, um, well, they covered that in Basic Training but like tying knots and what various kinds of signal flags mean it's all a blur now."

"Oh." He makes this sad little boy face, "It's just I figured..."

"Look." I say taking a deliberately prolonged sip of room temp coffee, "I don't know much in this world, but I do, that a true lady will let you know when your tongue punches to her fart-box have been adequate or not."

He just stares at me and all I can do is sip more coffee and wait for him to say something and move on. Then he nods at my advice and gives me a - "Guess your right, thanks Jack."

"Anytime, Kid." And i resume number crunching and he resumes trouble shooting a virus riddled laptop.

The Continuing Crisis: