Elevator Review: Hammer Time*

[jack_babalon]

For breaking a tenuous truce between his fellow LARP-gardians and a race of sentient CGI’s, the Norse God of Hair Metal is banished across the Pride Bridge to the mysterious realm of Midgard (land of bountiful product placements). But there’s something rotten in the state of the LARP-gardia, when the God of Hair Metal’s father and king, Sir Anthony Hannibal the One-Eyed, falls asleep shortly after the movie’s beginning (much to the audience’s envy) and the insidious God of British Accents takes the throne for purposes so Machiavellian, that even the script isn’t sure why exactly. Meanwhile, back on Midgard, a now mortal God of Hair Metal must team up with the Black Swan to get his magical Hammer of Rocking Out back while learning a heart-warming lesson in humility to prove himself worthy of appearing in an inevitable sequel. Face front true believers... and drop ten bucks for a ticket to an epic so grand, you'll say - "Well at least it's better than Daredevil and Elektra!" Plus – Hawkeye in a bucket! Double plus – the lead actor drops to his knees and yells – “Noooooooooo!” Triple Plus – Kenneth Branagh finally has enough money to finance that small indie gem he’s been itching to do for Miramax.

Still though, it has to be said that that God of Hair Metal is mighty pretty to look at… verily!



Until the next Elevator Review, this is Jack Babalon saying - "Make Mine Marketing!"



* - Alternate review titles include: 'The Mighty Bore', 'Hammer of the Nods Off', and finally 'Thor Score and Seven Yawns ago'.