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Fire Music
Oct. 20th, 2004 02:32 pmClosing time and it was an ugly kind of cold outside. Nowhere left to go but home. I was broke and you were drunk and we both couldn't stand the aching that comes at night from the empty places we can't escape.
We were crawling in and out of each others skin, looking for a place to hide. We took shelter in a strangers heat, finding each other in an emotional blackout with our infrared beer goggles strapped on. Wrapping up our lies in poetry, calling it a secret to make it seem special,and then all we ask of one another in return for this odd gift, is that we don the mask of the others wishes: We agree to become some one else. And so when you call me by another mans name I live up to my end of the bargin, answering with hard speed and angry gravity. I give you the name of the one I love, I give you her face to wear like a shield, and her smile hurts me enough to make me hurt you the way you say you want me too.
We need this sick sweet damage to last, so we pummel and claw and bite and tear into each other, trying to inflict enough pain to let our partner know who we really are underneath this mutal disguise. Combat reflex sex-the first one to drop the illusion loses, but then again victory is in the act of war itself- not it's outcome.
Finally one of us screams.
Fire music drowning us both.
We collapse in the ashes and fumble in the dark for our smokes.
We say nothing- disgusted with ourselves(and that is where our satisfaction comes from really- that sense of disgust),we say nothing and it's the first honest thing we've said all night.
I leave before the sun rises. I leave without a goodbye. This is my last act of mercy, my final gift is to let you forget my true face so the memory of tonight will belong to you and a man I've never known.
We were crawling in and out of each others skin, looking for a place to hide. We took shelter in a strangers heat, finding each other in an emotional blackout with our infrared beer goggles strapped on. Wrapping up our lies in poetry, calling it a secret to make it seem special,and then all we ask of one another in return for this odd gift, is that we don the mask of the others wishes: We agree to become some one else. And so when you call me by another mans name I live up to my end of the bargin, answering with hard speed and angry gravity. I give you the name of the one I love, I give you her face to wear like a shield, and her smile hurts me enough to make me hurt you the way you say you want me too.
We need this sick sweet damage to last, so we pummel and claw and bite and tear into each other, trying to inflict enough pain to let our partner know who we really are underneath this mutal disguise. Combat reflex sex-the first one to drop the illusion loses, but then again victory is in the act of war itself- not it's outcome.
Finally one of us screams.
Fire music drowning us both.
We collapse in the ashes and fumble in the dark for our smokes.
We say nothing- disgusted with ourselves(and that is where our satisfaction comes from really- that sense of disgust),we say nothing and it's the first honest thing we've said all night.
I leave before the sun rises. I leave without a goodbye. This is my last act of mercy, my final gift is to let you forget my true face so the memory of tonight will belong to you and a man I've never known.