Notes from the real world: Hunting humans and other Republican pastimes

So I was sick on Monday and as most of you know I have no internet except here at the Cubefarm. Once I got back to the office one of the more interesting news stories I seemed to have missed was the fact that the Vice President has taken up 'Hunting Humans'. I read the news feeds and wondered if this wasn't some left wing take on Richard Connell's The Most Dangerous Game-

"The most dangerous game is neither the Tibetan Snow Leopard or the dreaded Gorillasaurus cloned from our secret labs in CalTech..." The Vice President sipped his wine thoughtfully "But rather it is the dreaded Northeastern Liberal. A species close to extinction to be sure, but ruthless, cunning and with a stranglehold on minority voting. Which would be a problem if we actually counted their votes...".

"Well Golly Uncle Dick, I aims to shoot me one of them." The POTUS uttered from a fresh line of white Peruvian, he paused to smile at his face in the coke dusted mirror, it was good to be the President.

"Stop talking nonsense boy... we wouldn't trust you with a pretzel much less a hunting rifle." At this the Vice President allowed himself a robust chuckle. "Hunting is a serious sport, it's not like running the worlds leading superpower, it takes responsibility boy!"

At this the Vice Presidents viceroy lowered his head, with one part need and one part shame, to the coke dusted mirror. The Vice President continued to sip his wine in quiet reflection. Little did he know then how much he would later regret those words he used to rebuke his viceroy. He would learn soon enough that Irony is a bitch that serves as no mans mistress, no matter how powerful that man may be.



"I had to shoot him.... it looked like he hated freedom!"

Notes from the real world: Church bells, Buddhist cats and me

The church bells of the Inman Park United Methodist Church are pealing off four o'clock. I'm cruising down Edgewood Avenue when I hear the first notes chime. I glide to a stop. The first strike echos down the street and washes away any background noise, the second note hits straight down the spine and I shake it off with a shudder, the third note comes gentle and I remember suddenly standing here with Violet all those years ago holding her hand in the park. The fourth note comes and shatters the spell as a car roars by me and I can hear the CSX freight screaching down the nearby tracks. I look over to my left. It's a big house, one of those old southern numbers that are vanishing slowly to a wave of McMansions that signal the future of this city. I look over and there is a small stone Buddha statue sitting in the corner of the yards perimeter. It's gray and the details of it have begun to fade but sitting in front of it, just looking at it is a black and brown cat. The Buddha stares at the cat. The cat stares at the Buddha.

"Can I help you?" An old lady steps out her front door into the yard. The cat bolts through the fence and into the neighbors bushes. The Buddha, being both enlightend and inanimate, holds his ground. The old lady is stink eyeing me through a pair of glasses that only magnify her animosity.
I look over and give her that patented Rob Mosca wink with a side of smile.

"No, not really. But I think your cats a Buddhist!"

"That's not my cat!" She spits out and crosses her arms defiantly.

"Oh... well never mind then." I say with a shrug and make my way back home.

And none dare call it .... conspiracy!

You pretend that it's not going on, but it is. You ignore the facts though they spit in your face. You deny that there is an invisible war for the soul of this country even though it becomes more evident every day that you live in occupied territory. Yes, even as I speak, (ahem or write), America's sacred cows are being mutilated, murdered and marched to the slaughter house of control. And not just any cow, but our...*gasp*... Seacows!!! Behold the terrible mystery of the dying manatees....

Fla. Sees Record Manatee Deaths in Jan.

~Manatee deaths jumped by a third in January compared with the same month last year, but exactly what killed half the animals remains unknown, state wildlife officials said.
Last month, 48 of the endangered animals are known to have died statewide, 12 more than in January 2005.
Half of the deaths were listed as cause unknown because the manatees' bodies were decomposed when they were retrieved, said Ken Arrison, a biologist with the state's Marine Mammal Pathobiology Lab in St. Petersburg. Officials are waiting on lab test to determine if red tide, a toxic algae bloom, was involved.

From http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060215/ap_on_re_us/manatee_deaths

Scared shitless? You should be. This goes higher than any Government. This goes higher than the military-industrial complex. Even higher than the ultraterrestials who have replaced the CEO of RCA with a pot smoking dyslexic yeti! This can only be the work of...( YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!! )