Ladies Beware! Secrets of the Speed Seducer Revealed...

Perhaps beneath the scoundrel that I am, there lies a misled poet? Perhaps a mystifier who enjoys mystifying himself?
~Octave Mirbeau
The Torture Garden, Chapter 2

"You'd PAY to know what you really think."
~JR ‘Bob’ Dobbs, 1961

I'm not sure whether this guy is actually some kind of Subgenius Saint spreading an almost zen-dadaistic gospel of NLP induced seduction or just another schmuck looking for a quick buck on the internet. Meet Ross Jeffries - Speed Seducer, Eroti-naut, American Linguistic Tantric Pioneer and all around Super Stud! Ross has a question for you men out there in the audience:

"What would it be worth to you if you knew you could get the hottest woman completely lusting and eager for you within twenty minutes of meeting you, without even having to bother with a "date"?">

Well Ross i'd say it'd take about twenty minutes of photoshopping an old picture, lying about my income and about an hour or so on Myspace... but let's hear how you'd do it:

"How do I teach you to do all this? Simple. I show you how to create all these states, in virtually any woman, using simple but powerful language patterns that cause her to experience these states and link them only and exclusively to you, all in a matter of minutes."

Wow! So basically it'll be like slipping a woman a rophie... only with just the power of my voice, which sounds kind of like being a cross between Professor X and Larry Flynt! SWEET! So Ross you've piqued my interest. What are some of the incredible, mind blowing secrets i'll be learning?

Getting her fast despite a boyfriend or husband!

Creating instant states of overwhelming connection!

Destroying last-minute resistance to screwing!

Getting laid like crazy using poetry!!!

Quotes, negation and other super-weasel patterns!

The secret understanding of the Speed Seducer!

Using weasel phrases to get into her mind (and pants)!

Messing with her sense of time so it seems like she's already been in love with you for months when you've only known her just a few minutes! This is perhaps the most powerful and important pattern for influence and persuation of any kind in the world!

Using Speed Seduction for business success and making loads of money!

and TREMENDOUSLY, TREMENDOUSLY more!!!

'Tremedously, tremendously more'? Why Ross you old devil, you had me at 'getting laid like crazy using poetry!' (See i've tried to 'get laid like crazy using poetry' a few times, unfortunately I kept mixing my Baudelaire up with Leonard Nimoy's masterpiece of 20th century poetry: 'A Lifetime of Love: Poems on the Passages of Love - poems on the passage of life', not so effective oddly enough). So i've got about 225$ burning a hole in my pocket, lay it on me Daddy-O, what do I get with this here audio seminar?

( 'SUPER WEASEL PATTERNS )

I love how 'screwing with her sense of time' is so integral to the methods of the 'speed seducer'. A time tested technique of seduction most often associated with UFO abductions. That and the ability to telepathically broadcast your most sordid fantasies into her subconscious mind almost as if you had your own private pirate radio station constantly beaming your own secret stash of porn movies directly into her skull!
*sigh* Who says romance is dead?

Well ladies beware! For the next time you see me at Spring 4th, Dragon*Con or begging for change on the ramp of the North Avenue Exit off 85, know that I will have mastered the secrets of Speed Seduction and a neurolinguistic love god will amongst you!

Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha...*cough-cough-cough-ahem*...ha-ha-ha-ha!

Bend it like Beckett...