Obligatory Christmas Post

Santa's not much of a gentleman is he?

One thing about Christmas that hasn't changed since I was a kid, is the way clocks start trickling seconds out like an IV drip the closer one gets to vacation. Each drop of minute seems to percolate in mid air, gathering up enough gravity to finally overcome the inertia of expectation, where it finally drips into the next second.

This always reminded me of the scene in STII: The Wrath of Khan, where Spock explains to Admiral Kirk that while he was trapped in the Genesis Cave that time would be distorted so that: "...seconds will seem like minutes, minutes will seem like days ...", in other words it would almost be like Kirk was forced to watch an entire episode of Star Trek: Enterprise!

"KHHAAAAAA-AAAN!"

Another thing that hasn't changed over the years is how down right creepy I find those little kids singing "Christmas Time is here" during the segue scenes in 'A Charlie Brown Christmas'. I can't help but think that at best the song represents a bitter sweet reminescence of a childhood innocence long gone. At worst I figured it was the echoing chorus of children who were mysteriously, but never the less gruesomely, murdered during the '65 winter of Schultzville, USA. I can almost picture Nick Cave doing a cover of it ... or Boyd Rice.

A new tradition seems to have taken hold here in the "A-T-L" though. Strange Santa sightings on the railways of MARTA. Last year I wrote about a quick Christmas Story I was fortunate enough to witness.

This year the sightings continue.( Read more... )

An Uncle Joe Christmas

The worst Christmas I can recall was back in '81. Uncle Joe had found out he was going to be layed off in a few days after Christmas. Of course he had forgotten that his job as Department Store Santa was scheduled to be terminated after the holidays ended regardless. Never the less he took it quite hard. After hitting the MadDog 20/20 - Eggnog cocktails for the better part of twelve hours he took it upon himself to explain to me that not only was there no Santa Clause, but that there was also no God and it was also more than likely that my 'real' parents, whoever they might be, never really loved me to begin with and that's why they sold me to my current family.

As you can well imagine, we don't talk much about 'Uncle Joe' anymore.