Reel Life... The Elevator Reviews

I've come across the term 'Elevator Pitch' a lot here recently - this being a rough summation of a proposed idea that can be conveyed in roughly the span of an elevator ride. This term gets dropped a lot in regards to the motion picture industry where enterprising screen writers have to go through a sort of 'speed dating' process of rapid firing their ideas at one film executive after the other in the hopes that one of them will be willing to drop some serious green to produce the next 'Atomic Bikini Werewolves', 'Zombie Dad', 'Honolulu Vampire Nurses' or 'Evisceration 3: Teenage Snuff Film Apocalypse' (check the Sci-Fi channel for listings). In fact, I've been told that in Los Angeles there are towering skyscrapers that have had all the offices gutted out of them so that they house nothing but elevators. Here swarms of suits and screen writers travel the endless vertical labyrinth pitching scripts, dropping names and hammering out the details to 'Saw 7even: Who haven't we killed yet?'... ah the magick of Hollywood!

So I thought it only fair that I attempt a little something I'll call the 'Elevator Review' - an equally brief review of movies I've seen at the theaters, rented, bought the bootleg version while riding public transportation or accidentally wandered into while channel surfing - for you, the time strapped reader of this humble blog.

Ready?

Indiana Jones & the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - (in theaters) - It's no country for old men as the venerable Doctor Jones trades nazis for commies in the search for a legendary city made of CGI's. Think of it as National Treasure 2 if National Treasure 2 was vaguely watchable.

Wisconsin Death Trip - (DVD) - A beautifully shot documentary about the crimes, murders and madness that plague a small Wisconsin town at the end of the 19th century based on the book by the same name. Basically this is like watching a lost Nick Cave album that has been turned into a movie.

The Fall - (in theaters) - A bedridden stunt man befriends a little girl at a hospital where they are both patients and proceeds to tell her an exotic story that could basically be the next 'League of Extraordinary Gentlemen' in one of the most visually stunning films I've seen in awhile. Think of this as 'The Cell' (by the same director) if the Cell had a personality to back up its good looks.

Teeth - (DVD) - This is the story of a young woman, one of those 'Promise Keeper' types who discovers her budding sense of sexuality along with the fact that her vagina sprouts teeth during sexual intercourse. Much rape and cock castration ensues. Not my cup of tea per say but the little lady got a lot of laughs out of it... so there you go.

Control - (DVD)- The life and death of Ian Curtis - legendary lead singer of the seminal band Joy Division. Think of this as the dark antithesis to 24 Hour Party People, not a bad flick when it focuses on Ian's life (along with the early years of Joy Division) but I found the handling of his suicide a little heavy handed. Also the acting's pretty good, but the kid they have playing Ian can't sing worth a shit and it's painful to watch him butcher some of my favorite songs.

Oh and don't forget The Signal comes out today - the little indy film that could - made by some of my friends here in 'Terminus', Georgia. Highly recommended though to be fair, I can't claim to do so impartially.

Okay, that's it for now... I have to get back to hammering out my script for 'Ice Pirates 2: Revenge of the Space Herpes'. Until then, have your people blog my people ...

Ciao, Baby.