Jul. 29th, 2012

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"Kneel before the Son of Zod... *ahem*... I mean God!"


Though not mentioned in the Scriptures and known only to a few Gnostic scholars and high ranking members of the Vatican's elite Black Librarians, Jesus Christ was not only an Avenger but an honorary X-Men as well (due to being born the mutant offspring of a nomadic mountain deity and an earthly mortal). His crime fighting career began when Kang the Conqueror (not to be confused with Kang the Used Car Salesman) led a full transchrono assault on the first century AD just days after the crucifixion of the Christ on Cavalry. But little did Kang know that Jesus' rise from the dead wasn't a mere myth of the superstitious past-dwellers but rather the Christ's mutant healing powers kicking in. Jesus proceeded to drive off Kang's Hypertemporal Army to the beginning of the 21st Century. There he was joined by Earth's mightiest heroes in repelling Kang back to the future. But now Jesus was stuck in the present with no way back to his own time. There he took to fighting crime in New York City as the Christ-Man (known affectionately to members of Marvel's Merry Marching Society as 'Ol' Thorn Head). Later he was purportedly to have been betrayed by a Skrull who had shape-shifted into the appearance of Magneto and was crucified by none other than Doctor Doom. But like all good comic book characters, death is a very temporary prison and one that soon will no longer hold the Battling Son of Bethlehem!

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