A Brief Supplication

Oh Immaculate Goddess, she who was ancient before the Elder Gods were but so much tentacled infants in need of a good slap, if ever you have loved your humble scribe, please tell me I have enough cigarette butts to last the next few pages so I won't have to abandon the work in this holy moment to search the gas station night for camels. Gracias, amen and for what it's worth, ma'am, a-women too.

When there's no more room in hell... we'll hit the Wal*Mart Black Friday Sale

This is basically what runs through my mind whenever I see videos posted from Black Friday shopping frenzies:

"When There's No More Room in Hell Dawn Of The Dead 1978" (Watch on YouTube)

The Continuing Crisis:

Other great tips to ensure you dine solo:
1. Use elaborate make-up techniques to create the illusion of a rare skin disease.
2. Pretend you're talking to someone on the phone, curse loudly and reference a vague assassination plot before throwing phone across bar.
3. Bring a stuffed dead pet and practice ventriloquism.
4. Wear a bird cage for a hat and sing in German.
5. Offer to tell random strangers how they'll die if they'll buy you a drink. If they decline tell them anyway and demand the drink.