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"I didn't ask"
Dec. 13th, 2013 02:25 am"Do you have any advice for aspiring writers, Jack?" They almost never ask and well they shouldn't. For I've been drinking at the Yacht in the company of tiger women tonight and I'm loaded as a gun in a jealous lover's hand.
But since no writer worth his or her drinking problem lacks a sage word or two of advice to their colleagues, I figured I'd throw in my 2 cents which just happens to be 2 cents more than the going rate for my words:
1. Starting from the time you wake up, do not allow yourself to indulge in even the briefest of fucks or most vigorous round of masturbation until you've at least logged in 2 pages minimum (3 if it's mainly dialogue).
2. Deep down inside remember you're the only opponent and all those mother fuckers hating on or needing to be hated on are at best pretenders to the throne of your attentions.
3. Fuck it... go over two lines in a sentence. That's what your editor's there for.
4. Dig what you write. If it feels like work then it's gonna read like work.
5. As a crazy skinhead once told me - "You have to be willing to get your ass kicked to kick some ass." Same rule applies to writing, if you're not willing to suck, then you're not willing to do the work it takes to not suck.
6. Take the time you were about to invest in telling people about being a writer and spend it on your ear instead. As hard as it might be to believe, there's a lot more stories around than the ones in your head.
7. If you're not a reporter or critic or such, then like they said in The Man who Shot Liberty Valance, "print the legend". Everyone else will get their say come time when they get their own book or get interviewed about your own.
8. At the end of the day, twenty manuscripts in the can aren't worth a single true love waiting for you to come back to bed.
But since no writer worth his or her drinking problem lacks a sage word or two of advice to their colleagues, I figured I'd throw in my 2 cents which just happens to be 2 cents more than the going rate for my words:
1. Starting from the time you wake up, do not allow yourself to indulge in even the briefest of fucks or most vigorous round of masturbation until you've at least logged in 2 pages minimum (3 if it's mainly dialogue).
2. Deep down inside remember you're the only opponent and all those mother fuckers hating on or needing to be hated on are at best pretenders to the throne of your attentions.
3. Fuck it... go over two lines in a sentence. That's what your editor's there for.
4. Dig what you write. If it feels like work then it's gonna read like work.
5. As a crazy skinhead once told me - "You have to be willing to get your ass kicked to kick some ass." Same rule applies to writing, if you're not willing to suck, then you're not willing to do the work it takes to not suck.
6. Take the time you were about to invest in telling people about being a writer and spend it on your ear instead. As hard as it might be to believe, there's a lot more stories around than the ones in your head.
7. If you're not a reporter or critic or such, then like they said in The Man who Shot Liberty Valance, "print the legend". Everyone else will get their say come time when they get their own book or get interviewed about your own.
8. At the end of the day, twenty manuscripts in the can aren't worth a single true love waiting for you to come back to bed.
