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"The thing is,(and believe me I cannot stress this empathetically enough), is that men suck. Period. The best of you, y'know the real nice guys who care and cuddle and all that crap, well they're all inevitably bad in bed. Fumbling in the dark, racing clumsily inside with their mom tattooed across their mind..."
We're two floors up from the strip bar, up in my room. 80 bucks a week and all the roaches you can stomp. She puts out her cigarette in the beer I was still drinking and continues."Meanwhile those of you who are worth a fuck when it comes to fucking, seem to be in some kind of contest to outdo each other for the worlds biggest asshole prize! It's like the orgasm drains the civility right out of your balls leaving a dull meanness in it's place, a meanness that seems to always get mistaken for confidence... I mean really what is up with that, Huh? Do your dads take you aside one day and say 'Now son, if you find you can't fuck worth a damn, then and only then should kindness, decency and humility be an option...'?" She ends this rant with a frustrated growl and a fresh cigarette. The room settles back into silence.
"I don't know. What did your dad say when you asked him?" I'm looking out the window, but really talking to her reflection. I find it easier to talk to reflections than people lately.
"Beats me. Mom found men a disposable pleasure at best."
"Well there you go. But I thought we were talking about Tulpas..."
"All business now? That's not like you Adam."
She's smiling vicously. Why not. She's got me by the balls here and if she wants to take the long way on this story that's her call really now isn't it?
"Fine then, whydoncha tell me which one I was then? Nice guy or an asshole?"
She stops smiling and arches an eyebrow at me, taking a long drag to stall for time.
"You're one of the rare ones Adam..."
"Yeah" I say unable to muffle my enthusiasm.
"Yeah... your that one asshole who's still no good in the sack."
Ouch!
"But at least you're sincerely interesting and that's a rarity these days...as far as both genders go actually."
Have I mentioned that I normally have this rule about not talking to ex's unless it's for their funeral?
"Hey can I have your last beer?" She yells from the kitchen, already I can hear the hiss of the lid being popped. Fuck this, i'm skipping the funeral in fact.
"So as I was saying..."
"Guys suck. Nice ones in bed, the rest everywhere else. Was this going somewhere?"
"Yep. That's why me and the other girls in the Bacchae decided to do something about it..."
"The Backey...?"
"That's Bacchae..."
"All Greek to me darlin'..."
She let's out a long sigh that resembles something like a tea kettle blowing.
"The Bacchae were the female worshipers of Dionysus..."
"Skip the cliff notes, huh hon. I was jes fuckin' with you before. I've read Euripedes."
"Sorry, I wasn't aware that they had translated the Greek tragedies into comic book format..."
"That's graphic novels and you still haven't told me what this has to do with me."
"This isn't sex Adam, there's no need to race to the ending. So the Bacchae, aside from the myths, is also the name of a little organization I belong too... think of it as a roll party Coven for ladies only... now try to think of it without drooling."
"So?" I say tracking an old man turtling his way down the length of Ponce.
"So... the ladies and I came to the same conclusion..."
"Right, 'Men suck'... got it. We're going in circles now."
"Then stop interupting me. So we decided to do something about our mutual frustrations. We created ourselves a Sex Tulpa..."
"Excuse me...?"
"Tibetan word. A being created by sheer willpower...."
"I know what a Tulpa is..."
"Said being in this case was created purely for pleasure. The perfect man really. Speaks when spoken too and ever so adaptable to our needs. And when we're done..." She snaps her fingers dramatically."Bang...gone. Finito. No more. Back to the void we made him out of."
I light up another cigarette and give a low whistle.
"O-ooookay. A 'Sex Tulpa'. Fine. You've mastered Tibetan Magickal techniques to create a walking dildo..."
"Ohhh he's much better than that..."
"Whatever... I just don't know what all this has to do with me?"
"Nothing. Yet. Sit down a second Adam. Things are about to get interesting."
Continued from http://www.livejournal.com/users/jackbabalon23/204617.html#cutid1
We're two floors up from the strip bar, up in my room. 80 bucks a week and all the roaches you can stomp. She puts out her cigarette in the beer I was still drinking and continues."Meanwhile those of you who are worth a fuck when it comes to fucking, seem to be in some kind of contest to outdo each other for the worlds biggest asshole prize! It's like the orgasm drains the civility right out of your balls leaving a dull meanness in it's place, a meanness that seems to always get mistaken for confidence... I mean really what is up with that, Huh? Do your dads take you aside one day and say 'Now son, if you find you can't fuck worth a damn, then and only then should kindness, decency and humility be an option...'?" She ends this rant with a frustrated growl and a fresh cigarette. The room settles back into silence.
"I don't know. What did your dad say when you asked him?" I'm looking out the window, but really talking to her reflection. I find it easier to talk to reflections than people lately.
"Beats me. Mom found men a disposable pleasure at best."
"Well there you go. But I thought we were talking about Tulpas..."
"All business now? That's not like you Adam."
She's smiling vicously. Why not. She's got me by the balls here and if she wants to take the long way on this story that's her call really now isn't it?
"Fine then, whydoncha tell me which one I was then? Nice guy or an asshole?"
She stops smiling and arches an eyebrow at me, taking a long drag to stall for time.
"You're one of the rare ones Adam..."
"Yeah" I say unable to muffle my enthusiasm.
"Yeah... your that one asshole who's still no good in the sack."
Ouch!
"But at least you're sincerely interesting and that's a rarity these days...as far as both genders go actually."
Have I mentioned that I normally have this rule about not talking to ex's unless it's for their funeral?
"Hey can I have your last beer?" She yells from the kitchen, already I can hear the hiss of the lid being popped. Fuck this, i'm skipping the funeral in fact.
"So as I was saying..."
"Guys suck. Nice ones in bed, the rest everywhere else. Was this going somewhere?"
"Yep. That's why me and the other girls in the Bacchae decided to do something about it..."
"The Backey...?"
"That's Bacchae..."
"All Greek to me darlin'..."
She let's out a long sigh that resembles something like a tea kettle blowing.
"The Bacchae were the female worshipers of Dionysus..."
"Skip the cliff notes, huh hon. I was jes fuckin' with you before. I've read Euripedes."
"Sorry, I wasn't aware that they had translated the Greek tragedies into comic book format..."
"That's graphic novels and you still haven't told me what this has to do with me."
"This isn't sex Adam, there's no need to race to the ending. So the Bacchae, aside from the myths, is also the name of a little organization I belong too... think of it as a roll party Coven for ladies only... now try to think of it without drooling."
"So?" I say tracking an old man turtling his way down the length of Ponce.
"So... the ladies and I came to the same conclusion..."
"Right, 'Men suck'... got it. We're going in circles now."
"Then stop interupting me. So we decided to do something about our mutual frustrations. We created ourselves a Sex Tulpa..."
"Excuse me...?"
"Tibetan word. A being created by sheer willpower...."
"I know what a Tulpa is..."
"Said being in this case was created purely for pleasure. The perfect man really. Speaks when spoken too and ever so adaptable to our needs. And when we're done..." She snaps her fingers dramatically."Bang...gone. Finito. No more. Back to the void we made him out of."
I light up another cigarette and give a low whistle.
"O-ooookay. A 'Sex Tulpa'. Fine. You've mastered Tibetan Magickal techniques to create a walking dildo..."
"Ohhh he's much better than that..."
"Whatever... I just don't know what all this has to do with me?"
"Nothing. Yet. Sit down a second Adam. Things are about to get interesting."
Continued from http://www.livejournal.com/users/jackbabalon23/204617.html#cutid1