Scenes from my Real Life
Feb. 25th, 2013 01:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jack_babalon"It is a unique sensation, and it has nothing to do with loneliness, for loneliness presupposes memory." Paul Bowles wrote that. What I think I've been experiencing of late is the reverse sensation however- a loneliness fueled by memory. The last few days have been the first I've spent alone in a little over a year. Most of which I've spent working on the book, which draws heavily from events in my own life and which has brought me to my first meeting with one of the most important friends I've ever known. Someone I cannot talk to outside of memory. Which leaves me attempting this sort of narrative séance in order to summon his voice.
And it's rough when it won't come and it's rougher when it does.
When it comes I become acutely aware of a distant time in our lives, a time when we were inseparable and the world was ours to burn down as we saw fit. I miss that. I miss the adventures he dragged me into and I miss making him laugh when no one else could. Most of all I miss not only who we were then but who we were certain to become.
And it's rough when it won't come and it's rougher when it does.
When it comes I become acutely aware of a distant time in our lives, a time when we were inseparable and the world was ours to burn down as we saw fit. I miss that. I miss the adventures he dragged me into and I miss making him laugh when no one else could. Most of all I miss not only who we were then but who we were certain to become.