Confederistan!

[jack_babalon]

Hey Tea Party America, I know if at first you don't secede try, try again but what if the rest of the Union beat you to the punch. What if the rest of America decided that it's going to fire the states ranging from the South East to Texas in order to let them have their wet dream of a plutocracy in theocracy drag? Y'all can be Confederatistan or Biblevania or whatever the fuck you want to call it. That way you can frog march all your women of mating age to mandatory birth camps, you can sell hand guns in vending machines outside of day care centers and build as many walls around your borders as you can manage. Your country can proudly fly the stars and bars with the motto - "These colors don't run. But they ride a mean Rascal Scooter!" Meanwhile the rest of us here in Heathen America to the north and west can have a democracy where if one party doesn't agree with the other it doesn't mean the world economy is on the brink of collapse just because they lost an election. Plus hey, I'd love to see all those states that get 1 dollar of federal aid for every 50 - 70 cents they contribute in taxes try to fund disaster relief the next time a hurricane hits. But don't worry, hurricanes only happen when God sees two guys making out, so you should all be fine, right?

Oh wait, is that hyperbolic? Sorry, I guess once I found out that the Republican plan for healthcare from 1996 (aka the Affordable Care Act) was worse than slavery, things just got out of hand. My bad.