Platonic Dating Do's without the Don't's
Nov. 1st, 2013 06:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jack_babalonWhen a woman lets me know in advance that our upcoming 'date' will be strictly platonic with no chance of emotional or physical tenderness down the road it really takes the pressure off the prep work.
First off, unlike a regular date, I just have to worry about shaving my head instead of the shoulders or the back - which saves me all that trouble of duct taping a few disposable razors to a mop handle.
Second, I can substitute the Lysterine for Fireball Cinnamon Whiskey and instead of splashing on the expensive smell good settle for dipping into my five gallon supply of 'Old Winkin' Wino Aftershave & Liquid Courage'.
Third, I can totally get away with wearing any combination of fake mustache (or fake evil Spock goatee or fake rabbi beard, etc), guy liner or fez. Also x-ray glasses, tie with the Bat-Man symbol on it and plastic vampire fangs are also acceptable fashion accessories.
Fourth, knowing I'm going to be rockin' the Friend Zone ahead of time means I can leave those expired condoms at home and bring a comic book to read while I wait for her to finish sprucing up in the ladies room, texting her gal pals or to finish up talking about that elusive bad boy she's set her heart on.
Fifth, I don't have to trouble myself with slitting the throat of a virgin rooster before the altar of Clitorax - the demon goddess of all night monkey sex and can instead unwind with the soothing poetry of Leonard Nimoy.
Alright, time to get ready and all that jive.
First off, unlike a regular date, I just have to worry about shaving my head instead of the shoulders or the back - which saves me all that trouble of duct taping a few disposable razors to a mop handle.
Second, I can substitute the Lysterine for Fireball Cinnamon Whiskey and instead of splashing on the expensive smell good settle for dipping into my five gallon supply of 'Old Winkin' Wino Aftershave & Liquid Courage'.
Third, I can totally get away with wearing any combination of fake mustache (or fake evil Spock goatee or fake rabbi beard, etc), guy liner or fez. Also x-ray glasses, tie with the Bat-Man symbol on it and plastic vampire fangs are also acceptable fashion accessories.
Fourth, knowing I'm going to be rockin' the Friend Zone ahead of time means I can leave those expired condoms at home and bring a comic book to read while I wait for her to finish sprucing up in the ladies room, texting her gal pals or to finish up talking about that elusive bad boy she's set her heart on.
Fifth, I don't have to trouble myself with slitting the throat of a virgin rooster before the altar of Clitorax - the demon goddess of all night monkey sex and can instead unwind with the soothing poetry of Leonard Nimoy.
Alright, time to get ready and all that jive.