jack_babalon | Pro's of the Con

Well yesterday getting off at Peachtree Center, I realized the Con was hitting full force. First hint of course is that i've never seen so many chubby, bald, white men with goatee's since I got lost in the hall of mirrors. So I figured i'd lay a few words of advice down for those who have not yet embarked on the annual mating ritual of the Southern Fanboy.

1-Start with the 'models' first. The ones everyones snapping photos of and making lame come on's to. Sure you don't stand a chance in hell, but by the time you work your way down the Darwinian pecking order and reach the ones who really think they are 'elves' or 'vulcans' you'll be well prepared, by which I mean thoroughly shitfaced! Besides everybodys beautiful at four in the morning.

2-Don't drink and do the dealers room. Unless you want to wake up with a bag stuffed full of kubricks,asian horror bootlegs and anime porn to go along with your empty wallet and raging hangover.

3-It's tempting but don't fuck with the Klingons. Most of them are bikers, cops, meth dealers & the strange guy who lives down the block with the rebel flag flying every veterans day! Pick on the Stormtroopers instead... seriously can they even see outside those fucking helmet things?

4-Praise BOB!

5-When the psychedelics are kicing in, the bed starts spinning and you can't get your dick back in your 250$ Starship trooper uniform. Just take a deep breath, relax and remember it's only a Con.. it's only a con...

6-If cornered by angry fanboys yell:"Oh my god is that Joss Whedon"- this is your chance to either run or kick the 'Angel' wannabe square in the nuts.

7-Choose the room party you crash carefully. Do you really wanna sit down around and watch some 40 somethings engage in mortal combat with D20's? Do you really wanna end up at the roll party with the Emory chicks singing Tori Amos for three hours nonstop?

8-NO! I Don't want your fucking flyer. I don't want to see your fucking band and no I don't want to see your 'movie'! But if your not busy, come check out...

9- Nine, nine, I forget what nine was for...

10- Are you still reading this? Get the fuck out there and have some fun... Sweet Jebus on a stick!