Moloch of the Draw
Nov. 28th, 2014 06:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jack_babalonIt was a little after three in the morning when Mary, a 44 year old suburban housewife wearing full KISS army face paint, drove a text-and-drive proof SUV through the local Sprawl-Mart. A small crowd had gathered in front of the glass doors in anticipation of Black Friday savings and almost all of them had managed to leap out of the way in time of the Yuppy War Wagon blaring "I wanna rock n' roll all night and party every day."
Mary drove that fucker straight through the glass and laughing the whole way. The man splayed out in front of her hood and miraculously still on his phone was no deterrent. She drove that fucker straight aisle 7 and hit the brakes sending her passenger head first into a really good deal on a flat screen TV.
A squad of blue-vested Sprawl-Mart employees surrounded the vehicle, armed with mops and price-guns, ready to face whatever fury stepped out of the SUV. For it was their sacred and minimum wage paid honor to defend their employer until their dying breath and be thankful for having been given the opportunity to have done so.
The song hit its last chords and the SUV went silent. The door opened. A single Kermit the Frog fuzzy slipper clad foot touched down with action figures and fast-food debris spilling out. Another one and there was Mary. In a bathrobe soft as a skinned yeti and the color of toothpaste. Her sensible hair cut was in bed head disarray. Her eyes had a black stars painted over them and a Benson Hedge's hung lit from the corner of the lip. For the first time since her second child had been born she no longer felt the ambient sting of her migraine and she hadn't felt this good since her daughter substituted her Prozac for molly that one time. In her hands was an NRA and Jesus approved semi-automatic assault rifle.
Undeterred by the raw firepower that Mary was packing the blue vests charged as one - "Aiiiiieeeee! Die for Sprawl-Mart! Die for Black Friday!"
Mary didn't hesitate to start mowing down many suckers.
The first volley took down a somersaulting teenager. The second took out the kneecaps of some old veteran of the Greatest Generation who though he survived Normandy would not survive Mary's wrath. At one point some fellow middle-aged housewife came in with Shao-Lin worthy twirls of her push broom and managed to whack her up the side of the head with the handle. She managed to block the second swing with the stock of her barrel and bring it driving up into the employees chin knocking her unconscious. She spun around and there was a large man with a price gun aimed at her head point blank.
He squeezed the trigger three times and Mary staggered back with the price of a new Blu-Ray player tagged to her head in triplicate. She emptied a few rounds into the price gun-slinger and was lifted off the ground in a bear hug from behind. A large security guard had grabbed her from behind and was squeezing the air out of her. She dropped the assault rifle. She threw her head back and smashed in the nose of the security guard. Instinctively he released her as he howled in pain before she emptied the clip into him.
She didn't have time to reload so she just dropped the rifle and whipped out two handguns from her robe and finished off the rest of the staff.
When there was nothing left but dead bodies Mary stripped down out of her robe and stood there in her pilates honed and gluten-starvation diet honed glory. She kneeled down to one of the dead employees and dabbed her fingers in their blood. With it she drew the outline a bull's head over her torso with great horns curving around the breasts and the snout driving down the belly to end at the pubis.
From there she reached into her SUV, fired up one more the KISS army anthem and climbed on top of the SUV to sit cross-legged on the roof. In her lap was a blood soaked stuffed animal and in each hand were gripped the smoking pistols.
She watched as slowly the crowd ventured in and made their way down the aisles, plucking at the great deals, the buy one get one free's and the two for ones. Then with arms stuffed they approached Mary on her SUV throne and kneeled before her as chanted along with her holy litany: "I wanna rock n' roll all night..."
Mary drove that fucker straight through the glass and laughing the whole way. The man splayed out in front of her hood and miraculously still on his phone was no deterrent. She drove that fucker straight aisle 7 and hit the brakes sending her passenger head first into a really good deal on a flat screen TV.
A squad of blue-vested Sprawl-Mart employees surrounded the vehicle, armed with mops and price-guns, ready to face whatever fury stepped out of the SUV. For it was their sacred and minimum wage paid honor to defend their employer until their dying breath and be thankful for having been given the opportunity to have done so.
The song hit its last chords and the SUV went silent. The door opened. A single Kermit the Frog fuzzy slipper clad foot touched down with action figures and fast-food debris spilling out. Another one and there was Mary. In a bathrobe soft as a skinned yeti and the color of toothpaste. Her sensible hair cut was in bed head disarray. Her eyes had a black stars painted over them and a Benson Hedge's hung lit from the corner of the lip. For the first time since her second child had been born she no longer felt the ambient sting of her migraine and she hadn't felt this good since her daughter substituted her Prozac for molly that one time. In her hands was an NRA and Jesus approved semi-automatic assault rifle.
Undeterred by the raw firepower that Mary was packing the blue vests charged as one - "Aiiiiieeeee! Die for Sprawl-Mart! Die for Black Friday!"
Mary didn't hesitate to start mowing down many suckers.
The first volley took down a somersaulting teenager. The second took out the kneecaps of some old veteran of the Greatest Generation who though he survived Normandy would not survive Mary's wrath. At one point some fellow middle-aged housewife came in with Shao-Lin worthy twirls of her push broom and managed to whack her up the side of the head with the handle. She managed to block the second swing with the stock of her barrel and bring it driving up into the employees chin knocking her unconscious. She spun around and there was a large man with a price gun aimed at her head point blank.
He squeezed the trigger three times and Mary staggered back with the price of a new Blu-Ray player tagged to her head in triplicate. She emptied a few rounds into the price gun-slinger and was lifted off the ground in a bear hug from behind. A large security guard had grabbed her from behind and was squeezing the air out of her. She dropped the assault rifle. She threw her head back and smashed in the nose of the security guard. Instinctively he released her as he howled in pain before she emptied the clip into him.
She didn't have time to reload so she just dropped the rifle and whipped out two handguns from her robe and finished off the rest of the staff.
When there was nothing left but dead bodies Mary stripped down out of her robe and stood there in her pilates honed and gluten-starvation diet honed glory. She kneeled down to one of the dead employees and dabbed her fingers in their blood. With it she drew the outline a bull's head over her torso with great horns curving around the breasts and the snout driving down the belly to end at the pubis.
From there she reached into her SUV, fired up one more the KISS army anthem and climbed on top of the SUV to sit cross-legged on the roof. In her lap was a blood soaked stuffed animal and in each hand were gripped the smoking pistols.
She watched as slowly the crowd ventured in and made their way down the aisles, plucking at the great deals, the buy one get one free's and the two for ones. Then with arms stuffed they approached Mary on her SUV throne and kneeled before her as chanted along with her holy litany: "I wanna rock n' roll all night..."