The Keys to my Heart- remixed

[jack_babalon]

Stolen from my #1 crush jackbabalon23

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. By which we mean psychotic, horny & drunk. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. We recommend anal probes, midgets dressed as Fidel Castro, being spanked by your lover who is dressed as a giant pink rabbit, dueling bullwhips, strip teases that involve knive throwing and most importantly hot n' stinky mad monkey sex! You'd like for your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. However wearing a Zorro mask & talking in a fake european accent Does Not Help You have appeared in the wet dreams of numerous sailors, convicts & people named after NorthEastern American Cities... who knew. You are so beautiful... to meeeeeeeeeeee! You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance. (After all there's only room for one on your cross and you have it booked solid for the next twenty years) Your ideal relationship involves Renee Zellweger, a bottle of Jack Daniels, a pack of roman candles, two howler monkeys & a fez. Your risk of cheating is zero. Which is good because your risk of getting some is also zero- even with a 8 ball tied around your neck in a discotechque on the lower east side. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. Luckily you also consider faking your death and establishing a fake identity to avoid alimony as an equally cherished treasure. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, you will bark like a dog for love. You will crawl on your knees blindfolded for love. You will kiss the fist that beats you for love. You will strip naked and scream for love. You will. Mistress Meme demands it so PIG!

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

*Note to haters: See last entry for serious version.

Comments

[heiregulus.livejournal.com]

DJ Meme! lmfao. I don't think I will ever look at one of these online thingys the same ever again...or post one that has not been altered in some way by my own hand. bwahahahahah. Fuggin brilliant, as always. The funniest thing I have read in forever. :)