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jack_babalonGame-Changing! 17 things, that according to the Internet, I've been doing completely wrong my entire life:
- Tying my shoes (I was using duct-tape the whole time – rookie mistake!)
- Talking to single parents about the importance of quarantining their children after their having been bitten by a homeless man in the park
- Marathon-ing my favorite TV Shows (‘Breaking Bad’ is so much better when not viewed through a neighbor’s window while crouched in their bushes… who knew?)
- Correctly identifying life-threatening skin rashes commonly found amongst astronauts
- Water-proofing my private subterranean art-museum
- Introducing myself to the ambassador of Nauru
- Almost all of my Henry Trollope themed cosplay outfits
- Sexting (there’s a lot more to it than shoving a mobile-device into the orifice of a willing lover apparently)
- Using Uber (Did you know that if you ask them to, that all Uber drivers are obligated to let you ride on the roof or in the trunk of their vehicles? Why didn’t someone tell me this earlier?)
- Harpoon Archery
- Recognizing the difference between attending a funeral and a circus-themed surprise party
- Faking an orgasm to get out of jury duty
- Wind Puppet boxing
- Charging my new iPhone (blood sacrifices to the Moon Goddess no longer required in the new models)
- Being aware of my full responsibilities as a passenger seated in the emergency exit row of a Explorer Class Airship
- How to properly make and when to wear a platypus skin loincloth (never before Memorial Day or after labor day)
- Giving a shit
- Tying my shoes (I was using duct-tape the whole time – rookie mistake!)
- Talking to single parents about the importance of quarantining their children after their having been bitten by a homeless man in the park
- Marathon-ing my favorite TV Shows (‘Breaking Bad’ is so much better when not viewed through a neighbor’s window while crouched in their bushes… who knew?)
- Correctly identifying life-threatening skin rashes commonly found amongst astronauts
- Water-proofing my private subterranean art-museum
- Introducing myself to the ambassador of Nauru
- Almost all of my Henry Trollope themed cosplay outfits
- Sexting (there’s a lot more to it than shoving a mobile-device into the orifice of a willing lover apparently)
- Using Uber (Did you know that if you ask them to, that all Uber drivers are obligated to let you ride on the roof or in the trunk of their vehicles? Why didn’t someone tell me this earlier?)
- Harpoon Archery
- Recognizing the difference between attending a funeral and a circus-themed surprise party
- Faking an orgasm to get out of jury duty
- Wind Puppet boxing
- Charging my new iPhone (blood sacrifices to the Moon Goddess no longer required in the new models)
- Being aware of my full responsibilities as a passenger seated in the emergency exit row of a Explorer Class Airship
- How to properly make and when to wear a platypus skin loincloth (never before Memorial Day or after labor day)
- Giving a shit