Santarchy Continues, The Ministry of Fun and what about the children....?

[jack_babalon]

Bad Santa: Do you want this man in YOUR chimney?

BERLIN (Reuters) - Drunken Santas on a rampage in New Zealand, armed German robbers in Santa disguises, a British St. Nick wanted for flashing, and a Swedish vandal in a Santa outfit are giving the big man in red a bad name this year.
Reports of "Bad Santas" breaking the law or otherwise wreaking havoc have been circulating around the world.
Armed with a gun, a man in a Santa outfit held up a furniture store in the German town of Ludwigshafen Saturday and forced two cashiers to open the safe. He filled his sack with cash, locked the two women in the safe and escaped.
He is still on the loose, but police in Tuebingen were able to nab a bank robber armed with a machine gun in a Santa costume with the aid of an infrared camera and helicopter. They found him hiding in a ditch in a nearby forest.
"The machine gun was fake," a police spokesman said. Dressed in a Santa cap, beard and wearing sun glasses, he was wanted for stealing 500,000 euros in four separate bank robberies.
One Santa was stopped by police for driving 150 kph (90 mph) on a northern German motorway, 50 kph over the speed limit.
"He said he was in a rush because he still had packages to deliver," said a spokesman for the police. They gave Santa a fine and took away his license.
Last week an inebriated half-naked Santa disrupted a Christmas market in Dabringhausen before police intervened.
That incident paled in comparison to what happened in Auckland Saturday when 40 drunken Santas rampaged through the city center, stealing from stores and assaulting security guards in a protest against Christmas becoming too commercial.
In Britain, police said they were looking for a Santa acting suspiciously -- a flasher who exposed himself to women.
Officers in Swanage on the south coast of England said the flasher had struck a number of times since December 6, and a week later exposed himself whilst wearing a Santa Claus outfit.
A British agency recently issued a code of conduct to root out substandard Santas. "Santa is a magical and cuddly man, not a fat, smelly slob," said James Lovell of the Ministry of Fun agency in London. "He must not smell of drink or body odor."
Last Christmas, a shopping center in south Wales installed a webcam dubbed "Santacam" in his grotto to overcome parents' concerns after several high-profile pedophile cases in Britain.

From the "I-Shit-You-Not-Files" of Jack Babalon: http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20051220/od_nm/santa1_dc

I can almost hear Bill O'reily gasp as once again another blow is delivered by the sinister left wing in their war on Christmas. Hang in there Bill, you and all those other poor oppresed white christain males have only five more days to Jesus Christmass and you're in the clear! Oh...unless that sound is you engaging in filthy anal phone sex again.. in which case cheers!


What I really found interesting in this article was the fact the British government has a Ministry Of Fun located somewhere in London. I don't know about you, but wouldn't it be cool to see some of the inter department rivalry going on between the M.O.F. and their more serious cousins at the Ministry of Defense?
"Hmmm I say Nigel... we've just gotten a message that the Yanks are going to bomb Antartica!"
"What the deuce are you talking about man!"
"We've gotten word over secured channels... from an agent 007...oh!"
"It's just the Ministry of Fun taking the piss with us again, Roger, nothing more."

Comments

[arianthegrouch.livejournal.com]

I think the Santarchy World Tour needs to make a stop in good ol' Atlanta GA, and I think myself, yerself and Bernard would make some BITCHIN' irascible Santarchists.

[jackbabalon23.livejournal.com]

I'm actually booked for both Kwanzapocalypse as well as Chanukahgeddon this year but who knows what 2006 will hold in store!