Jan. 22nd, 2007

jack_babalon: (Default)
Thursday: My driving instructor looks like a heavy set Ving Rhames. I catch him there in the modest white Datsun with the 'DRIVING SCHOOL' emblazoned across a sandwich board on the roof. He's got his shades resting on a shaved head that's sticking out of a fur lined hood, he's talking calmly on a cell phone, a massive arm resting out the passenger window. He catches me from the corner of his eye, hangs up and gives me the once over.

"You Robert?" his baritone is seasoned out of state. Up North or out West.

"Yeah."

"I'm Walter" he flashes me this fifty dollar bill of a smile, "I'm here to teach you how to drive."

Friday: Five dollars goes far on a Friday night in Atlanta.

10 o'clock. The Princess rings me up. She's restless. She's got some money to burn. She wants to go out out dancing with her man. There's a show down at the Star Bar. The line up: The Cogburns, The Luchagores and Lust. In that order. It's right down the block from me. She wants to know if i'm in or if i'm out?

"I'm in, Princess."

"Cool. We'll be there to pick you up in twenty minutes."

A quick shower, a shave, a splash of 'Smell Good' behind the ears, a lysterine soak, a fresh pair of drawers and a clean t-shirt. That's me all good to go! I mix a strong drink, put on Nothing Shocking, crank it up and light up a waiting around smoke.

Saturday: The Magpie converts alcohol to energy something fierce! One drink in and he's pacing back and forth across the kitchen floor. He talks to me in quick bursts of ideas that get timed and truncated by a non-stop series of cell phone calls he's receiving. One minute it's a stream of conscious monolouge the next it's a hushed converstaion with the cellphone. I turn up the stereo. John Hodgman waxes on Hobos then it's 'Run.Run.Run' by The Velvet Underground. I got the changer on random tonight. It helps me think sometimes. I check on the Magpie who's still on the phone, his steady march across the kitchen floor has trickled down into a absent minded pacing.

Then he hangs up, speeds back up, spins around and HEY WATCH OUT NOW!

"C'mon" he declares with this big goblin grin slapped on his face "Let's get out of here and grab a drink!"

"Where?" I ask more curious than cautious. It's almost midnight but i've only been up for less than an hour. I got a little energy to burn myself.

"The Yacht Club. There's a friend of mine in town and..." his cell phone rings. He answers it quick draw style off the hip, he spins around, slows down and starts pacing the floor again.

Sunday: It's been coming down steady since I woke up. I stand under the skylight watching the rain drops flatten against the window. I feel like i'm underwater watching the ripples of a passing storm above me. I'm listening to a Tibetan Buddhist Funeray Chant on WREK's 'Weekend Cornocupia'. Sandalwood incense drifts from my room and snakes into the kitchen-dining room. The vibrational residue of the LBR has left me with a detached sense of calm. The names of the angels seem to still cling to the echo of the hum in the air.

The chanting of the monks is interupted by spikes of static off the radio. An electric hiss rises up. Floods over the music of the prayer, drowns it out completely until all you can hear is this incessant crackling. It remains like that for a minute then a single drum beat will reverbetate over the din. Then another. The hiss segues slowly out of the noise, ebbing back into the rising tide of a monosylabbic chant.

I absorb it quietly, this waxing and waning between song and static.

As above me the rain taps on the skylight indifferently.
jack_babalon: (Default)
Okay i've been going over your emails, blog comments, voice mails as well as the crayon scrawled notes tied around bricks that are frequently tossed through my window at night (you guys). Apparently there is still some confusion about the subject and I hope this will clarify things once and for all.

So, one more time, try to remember that...Read more... )
jack_babalon: (Default)
Thursday: I soon discover that the following will not be taught by my driving school:

  • Steering while operating a firearm

  • Urban Off Road Driving

  • The 'Charleton Heston'

  • Engaging, operating and disengaging of turbo rockets

  • Hot Wiring For Dummies

  • How to tell if a small child & his pet monkey have stowed themselves away in your trunk

  • The 'James Brown'

  • High Speed Law Enforcement Evasion

  • How to drive through a series of improbable explosions while a helicopter attacks you

  • The subtle difference between racing killer robots and racing killer robot-cars

  • Esperanto for beginners



  • I did however get to practice parallel parking, driving down Lawrenceville highway during rush hour, driving along 285 at night in the rain, Speed trials and my favorite: Steering while my instructor gets into a passionate arguement with his son on his cell phone as I desperately try to dodge a cannibal SUV that has drifted through two lanes of traffic on a sudden whim.

    Incidentally when did the turn signal become a sign of weakness in this country? Was it around the same time when the words 'please' & 'thank you' became taboo? Relax people, I know it's worth getting someone killed so you can make it home to catch American Idol, but take it easy ok? No one's asking you to do something completely insane like actually walk the whole half a blocks distance to get your Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese.

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