Indifference Machine- OTH to O.T.O. pt2

[jack_babalon]

Skiddo
"What man is at ease in his Inn?
Get out.
Wide is the world and cold.
Get out.
Thou hast become an in-itiate.
Get out.
But thou canst not get out by the way thou camest
in. The Way out is THE WAY.
Get out.
For OUT is Love and Wisdom and Power.(12)
Get OUT.
If thou hast T already, first get UT.(13)
Then get O.
And so at last get OUT."
Aleister Crowley
The book of lies
Chapter 23


Philadelphia, PA. October of '92. I was stationed at the Navy Base off Broad Street, right down the block from Veteran's Stadium. This would be my last command. I did what I did and had been caught, I was tried at Captain's mass, I shrugged at the verdict and was kicked off the ship in Naples, Italy within a week. I wound up in Sigonella, Sicily over at NAS1(Naval Air Sation One). I remember talking to the folks long distance from a payphone. I explained to them that my tour of duty was up and why. My Dad called it for me- "Your a fuck up artist!" and honestly who was I to disagree. I spent a week in Sicily. I got to see a Blue Angel's air show and I spent my free time drinking beer and rereading the "Illuminatus" trilogy. Occasionaly some zero found something for me to clean, paint or carry- anything to justify my time and their money. On my last night in Sicily some of the older squids took pity on me and took me to my first brothel- I picked a thick whore who reminded me of a fat Wynonna Ryder. Our cab driver, who also doubled as our pimp, explained in broken English that I had made a good choice- he kisses his fingers at winks at me. She looked bored and after ten minutes of naked push-ups I realized I couldn't finish this, I couldn't feel her, I couldn't feel anything really. I stopped hovered above her and for the first time since I had been caught I cried. I felt so fucking stupid and I had no idea what to do, where to go or what would happen next? She just laid there under me-confused or scared or both. Finally she wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into her and she just hugged me tight until I stopped crying. I tipped her $20 in American and kissed her on the cheek. The next morning me, my hang over and my seabag were on the tarmac waiting on a 7:30am cargo plane to the states.
And here I was.
It was Saturday morning and I was taking a smoke break outside the barracks. I had been assigned laundry detail and was given the task of taking clean sheets out of the dryer and folding & stacking them. I saw more white sheets than a Stone Mt. Klan rally. The air was crisp, as I recall, all the buildings on the base were done up with cheap cardboard Halloween decorations, like the ones you used to see them hang up in schools- the smiling pumpkin, the witch on the broom, the flaming skull, the shilouette of the black cat, the poseable skeleton and a host of others looking out of place on the windows of the Admin offices, Med stations, mess halls, barracks and other important acronymed buildings.
"Hey Rob!Whatcha readin'?" one of my fellow laundry rats asked me.
I hold up my book for him to see.
"The middle pillar.. by Isr-I-el Regar-Dee...?"
I nod wowed by his ability to read outloud.
"Hey is you Jewish or somethin'?" he asks suspiciously. The cover had little hebrew words designating various Sephira on it.
"Ummm...."
"Because I heard you's a Satanist."
"Why couldn't I be both?" I snort.
He shoots me a pissy look and heads back inside. A future politican or cop I figure. I finished my shift listening to two brothers free verse with the clanging of the dryers supplying the beat, much to "Mr.Is-You-Jewish"'s chargin.
And here I am on the outside:Fold,fold,fold, stack,stack,stack, Fold,fold, fold. On the inside I draw the map of the Sephiroth in my head and try to name the spheres in top to bottom sequence "... Kether,Chokmah, Beth... no,Binah,Binah, um...Chesed,Geburah...."
Finally the shit shift is over and the weekend is now open for me.
I bribed a mousy little gay kid to take my watch for me. I suited down and civied up. It's Saturday night and while the other squids are ready to hit the bars and titty joints- I'm off to find a church! I have a backpack w/a change of socks & an extra Tshirt. I have a 100$ on me twenty of which is tucked in the bottom of my boot, I have my walkman and a bunch of tapes with the cases busted up from my travels, I have the Regardie book and a street map of the city of "Brotherly Love". The sun is setting and I have an hour to go.
As I walk off the base I pause for 'Colors' the lowering of the American flag at sunset. The wind is blowing hard,and the flapping of the flag brings me back to her-back to my ship. I think of my last twilight with her. I was standing on the fantail alone watching the stars assemble into constllations above the Mediterranean Sea - the horizon a thousand shdes of green,red and purple. Listening to the cadence of the waves rock us gently and I looked into the growing night, hoping to find something in that immensity that was also a part of me- the truth is 12 years later and I still am.
The flag is offically lowered now and we can all go on our seperate ways.

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