The Curio-Shop on Alabama Avenue

[jack_babalon]

The CabbageTown Hobo Memorial Mural
January 14th, 2007
~Rob M.

Recently, in the midst of my inner city wanderings, I came across what is commonly known as an 'Curio-shop'. Sitting quietly between a burnt down pawn shop and a Korean "Mom & Pop" that specializes in cheap Sneakers, cellphones, imitation colognes, bootlegged dvds and for whatever reason, breakfast cereals. Here the little occult store that could, sits tucked away discretely on Alabama Avenue. The store itself has no name but rather a crudely painted half moon who's anthropomorhized portrait is winking at passing pedestrains with a playful wink.

I go inside and a series of bells chime above me. A pugent wave of incense washes over me and an old lady, sitting behind the register, glances over her Soap Opera Digest to give me the once ove. Behind her are clear plastic jars stuffed with grinded herbs, spices, roots and leaves. In front of her is a glass case filled with little vials of amber colored liquids.

"Hello ... was there something you were looking for?"

"Ahhh hey. No, not really, just kicking tires so to speak."

"Well you just take your time" she gives me a big old grandma smile and drifts back to the imaginary sex lives of an imaginary medical community.

The store itself resembles a small grocery shop. Long flourescent lights. A beige security camera that resembles a sleeping robot in the corner. There are three rows of shelves that lead to a back wall of books. I make my way down the shelves checking out the inventory.

There are incenses, spices, bath powders, spell kits, amulets wrapped in little plastic bags like the dealers use, magical soaps with roosters on the packaging, "LUCKY MOJO NATURAL RESIN INCENSES", incense powder packs that features a hissing black cat that looks like the same cat used on packs of firecrackers, Hair care products that seem to have earned the Ganesh seal of approval, "108 Buddhas Hand Carved on a Walnut", Moon Rabbit Hand Carved Bone Beads, bundles of incense sticks, 31 flavors of Tarot cards (Behold 'The Drunken Thelemite Deck' created as a bet between Israel Regardie and Samuel Beckett), holographic cards that feature Hindu & Catholic gods but never the two together, Baby Scarab Amulets with heiroglyphed wings, Mexican Candles wrapped in images of snuff flick Jesus, the eternally weeping Madonna and my personal favorite ~ The Hand of God rising out of the clouds of heaven, whose finger tips are actually the bodies of Catholic saints (it looks like one of those crazy old Justice League comic book covers from the 1950's), a jar that appears to have a pickled squirrel skeleton in it and a series of tiny Devil statues that are stroking their goatees with a malicious grin.

"Find anything interesting?" Grandma Occult asks.

"Do you have a 'Bag of Holding' maybe? Or how about a plus one sword, perhaps?"

"I'm sorry." she says not sure of what I just said.

"Nothing. No i'm good. Thanks" I make my way to the book shelves.

There are books on Atlantis (Did you know ancient Atlantis was actually a pan diemensional trailer park until the Ancient Ones decided to gentrify the planet Earth?), there are books on Chakras, Auras, Astral Travel, Astral Traveling on less than twenty dollars a day, how the dragons were really dinosaurs, how dinosaurs were really UFOs, how UFOs can improve your love life ("...anal probes aren't just for science anymore!"), the Face on Mars that might also be the face of Sasquatch or the face of Elvis, "I married a Mothman", "The Celine Dion Prophecies", books on Crowleyism, Books of the Law and Books of the Dead and Books on Books of the Dead, "Stonehenge and the unauthorized history of Led Zepplin, Rune magic, "Nazi Molemen and the Occult Cover Up: The Real Truth Behind Iraq!" (well duh!), "Skeleton Squirrel Cook Book for Lucky Lovers", along with well thumbed ghetto grimories and sticky paged Wiccan porn.

Finally, over in the corner, is a spinning rack filled with different pamphlets. They're all xerox and staple deals with pink and biege cardboard covers. The titles flash across the eye and read like a surrealist love letter. There's "LUCKY DREAM BOOKS FOR LOTTERY PLAYERS", "The Black Pullet by 'A.J.S.D.R.L.G.F.'","Secrets of the Psalms","Albertus Magnus' Egyptian Secrets", "8th, 9th, and 10th Books of Moses" and one of my favorites "Rajah Rabo's 5-Star Mutuel Dream Book".

Finally one of them catches my eye. It's a pink cover with a crudely drawn Hobo sitting in a rail car, he's obviously happy, playing his small guitar to an audience of small dogs and adorned with what appears to be a glowing fez. Upon closer inspection the Hobo's fez is decorated with the Kabbalistic Tree of Life. The Hobo has several rays emanating from him, perhaps to symbolize his divine aura or that perhaps that his 'Hobo-Sense' is tingling? I scope out the title: "Ol' Doc Kabbalah's Guide To Dreams, Omens and Lucky Hoodoo-Lotto Numbers".

I give it a quick thumbing through. Check this out -

Chapter 13: Dreams about Hobos.

"To dream about the Hobo can mean many things. For instance, you may have been terrorized by a hobo clown as a small child, one who would appear on the edge of your bed, with blood stained teeth grinning at you and a large reaper blade hanging menacingly from his bindlestick!

For the rest of us, those who have not been directly 'touched by a hobo', the dream can have various interpretations, the meaning of which depends on the details of the dream itself. Here is a list of common Hobo Dreams as compiled by the Miskatonic University Sleep Center.

A dream of a hobo riding a train: A trip or vacation is store for you in the near future. Most likely a trip involving sneaking on a train before the rail bulls catch you.

To dream of a Hobo riding a giant tortoise: Your lover has been unfaithful.

A dream about Astronaut Hobos: Now is the right time to invest in blue chip stocks and that one should diversify their investments at this time of market flux and transistion.

A Hobo knive fighting a Freemason: A death in the family. But not a member of the family you paticularly cared for in the first place.

A Hobo eating a grilled cheese sandwich with the face of the Virgin Mary on it: You will most likely come across a grilled cheese sandwich in the future. Then you will eat the sandwich, find the meaning of life and die tragically before you can tell anyone what your epiphany entailed. Doesn't that suck?

A Hobo with two heads juggling electric eels as a small child dressed as a Pharoah watches on: Marriage!

A Hobo burial ground involving a Hobo skull: The world will end engulfed in flames, pestilence, war and horrible, horrible reality television shows.

"

Well that was good enough for me! I walk over to the counter. Drop Grandma Occult a fiver, let her keep the change and make my way out for further ambulations and reflections.

Comments

[efire360.livejournal.com]

giggles giggles giggles
One day, if you're lucky, I'll show you the oddities I keep in my mustard jar.

Hobotomy

[vomikronnoxis.livejournal.com]

Oh my ... It's like "The Bazaar of the Bizarre," except with a Terminus charm to everything. There's a strange little shop near where I work called "All Eyes on Egypt," which looks to be some manner of black Egypt-themed book/junk store. Possibly for witches. I've atcually never been in it. I should make a point of checking it out soon, though.

As for my recent hobo dream, I guess the Reverened X put it best: "You fucked up! You know your ass is doomed!"

~rl

[gaeasdaughter.livejournal.com]

Funny, I had that Hobo Astronaut dream just weeks before we sold the house and dumped all the proceeds into the stock market. Sounds like I made a sound decision. Thanks, Hobo Astronauts!

[catwalk.livejournal.com]

i feel like i could use the subject line to describe me...

and i think i will... i am a curio shop. :-)