Terminus: Ponce De Leon

[jack_babalon]

El Azteca 2: The Quickening!
February 4th, 2007
~Rob M.

While there is in fact no shortage of Mexican restaurants here in the 404, none offer the sheer culinary delight that comes from a naked Aztec chieftain (whose modesty remains hidden only by a carefully placed shield) standing heroically on top of the plateua of a temple. Behold the mystical powers of the Aztec chief, as he commands the very eagles themselves to swoop down from the spiraling heavens to fetch you an order of chips & salsa while you peruse your menu.

I myself, if I were to somehow be made sole proprietor of this regal eatery, would demand that my entire wait staff be naked except for capes & head dresses. I would have the building done in murals of Aztec knights battling filthy conquistadors, temples stuffed with human sacrifices to the blood gods of the sun and above all this, an armada of eagles soaring majestically over the scenery with bowls of chips and salsa clutched in their talons.

The El AZTECA motto: "Food so good... we serve it nude with the help of endangered species!!!"

Now that's cooking with confidence!!!

Comments

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

No way. You'd have to staff the entire place with people who didn't mind the occasional hot cheese spill on their bits. Of course, if you had a whole staff that didn't mind that sort of thing, you could make it an Aztec temple fetish club after hours. Cheese 11-9, hot wax and spontaneous piercing after.

That might work. Right up until the part with the obsidian flechettes. The health department gets a little squicked about that, I suspect.

[jackbabalon23.livejournal.com]

Yeah I could see a few problems off hand~

Customer: "Ummm sir... I understand that this is a naked Aztec themed restaurant ... but would you mind getting your balls out of my queso dip?"

Waiter: "NEVER!!!" who suddenly points at the sky, suddenly a giant Eagle soars down and snatches the irate customer off into the heavens never to be seen again. "Damn... forgot to give him the bill first!"

I actually pitched an Aztec/Mayan themed night wayyyy back when I was DJing for a promoter friend up at the Chamber. I had these images of human sacrifice stage shows and elaborately dressed Jaguar Knights.

The plan, alas was deemed not feasible.

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

The plan, alas was deemed not feasible.
That's a damned shame. I'd go to that.

[musewithamagnum.livejournal.com]

Nice...but strategically placed (and slightly off, to my eye) sheild or no, that mans needs an erection. Seriously. It's disturbing without it.

[jackbabalon23.livejournal.com]

Hence the saying: "Hung like an Aztec Eagle Priest"

I'm with you though. If you'd just let home boy let it all out you would kind of just shrug at this priaptic diety and go on w/your meal. But the moment is always suspended with the shield in place, leaving an anticipation that can never be fulfilled.

[karis-straif.livejournal.com]

Perhaps they are actually related to the Nordics... you know, those early and mysterious Viking explorers. Perchance even without the shield there would not be much to perturb even the most delicate of sensibilities.
*hmmm... why is that eagle flying about outside my office window?*

[musewithamagnum.livejournal.com]

Though unquenchable longing may be good for tequila sales....

[efire360.livejournal.com]

Cool! I want the eagles to serve my dinner in human skulls.

[jackbabalon23.livejournal.com]

Knowing you though, you'd send the food back for shits & giggles.

"Mmmmm sorry Talon-Heart, this isn't the Chimmichunga I ordered... just fly it back and bring me a fresh human skull!"

"Caw-caw!!!"

[vomikronnoxis.livejournal.com]

Oh my!

~rl

[jackbabalon23.livejournal.com]

You didn't hear this from me... but a certain birthday Girls-on-film was hoping you'd dress up like that for her and jump out of a cake...

I can help you find an Eagle but it won't be cheap!

[vomikronnoxis.livejournal.com]

Nudity + birds of prey = always a good time

In fact, I understand the design of the Mexican flag deals largely with the centuries of strife in the country between Mayan snake dancers and the Aztec male erotic dancers known for using hawks and condors in their act.

[jackbabalon23.livejournal.com]

Ah yes, the great Snake vs Condor debate. I don't think there is a better documentary on this ancient rivalry than ...


Walt Disney's CONDORMAN

Not to be confused with the Condorman of Japan..

[vomikronnoxis.livejournal.com]

I have fond memories of that horrible Condor Man movie -- I had no idea he had a Japanese counterpart, though.

~rl