Top Ten Reasons why...
Feb. 9th, 2007 02:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jack_babalonThis is for scottopic who asked: "Jack, why do you hate America?"
Here's my top ten in no paticular order:
1-America keeps talking through movies at the theater - once it actually ruined the ending of 'Sixth Sense' for me - whispering "Ohhh I heard Bruce Willis is actually a ghost!'.
2-America can't hold it's liquor and is a nasty, nasty drunk.
3-America never wants to chip in on a pizza when we order but once the pie shows up America's all like 'Ohh can I get just one slice... maybe two'. China tells me it does the same thing with them.
4-America was completely talking shit about me to Canada behind my back... again!
5-America keeps cock blocking me at parties. I'll be all ready to mack on Lady Britainia or Mz.France when America comes drunkenly stumbling over, burping loudly and bellowing: "Hey any of ya Gals wanna see me light one of my farts on fire...". Then the ladies will look at me and be like "Did you invite this country to the party?". It's embarassing really.
6-America keeps leaving the toliet seat up.
7-America won't return any of my calls.
8-America stole my girlfriend once. She said it was for "Reasons of National Security" and "If I don't dump you and start going out with America... the terrorists will win. You don't want that do you Jack?" I believe Death Cab For Cutie wrote a song about it called: "America totally stole my woman... what an asshole!"
9- America has really bad coffee breath.
10- America's a prick tease. It let's you cop a quick feel off freedoms breast when you're making out, but the moment you want to go all the way and get into some hot nasty Dutch style freedom, America gets nervous and is all like "No we can't... Jesus will cry!".
My blue balls ache for Freedom, America! How about a hand job next time you start mass outsourcing!
scottopic who asked: "Jack, why do you hate America?"Here's my top ten in no paticular order:
1-America keeps talking through movies at the theater - once it actually ruined the ending of 'Sixth Sense' for me - whispering "Ohhh I heard Bruce Willis is actually a ghost!'.
2-America can't hold it's liquor and is a nasty, nasty drunk.
3-America never wants to chip in on a pizza when we order but once the pie shows up America's all like 'Ohh can I get just one slice... maybe two'. China tells me it does the same thing with them.
4-America was completely talking shit about me to Canada behind my back... again!
5-America keeps cock blocking me at parties. I'll be all ready to mack on Lady Britainia or Mz.France when America comes drunkenly stumbling over, burping loudly and bellowing: "Hey any of ya Gals wanna see me light one of my farts on fire...". Then the ladies will look at me and be like "Did you invite this country to the party?". It's embarassing really.
6-America keeps leaving the toliet seat up.
7-America won't return any of my calls.
8-America stole my girlfriend once. She said it was for "Reasons of National Security" and "If I don't dump you and start going out with America... the terrorists will win. You don't want that do you Jack?" I believe Death Cab For Cutie wrote a song about it called: "America totally stole my woman... what an asshole!"
9- America has really bad coffee breath.
10- America's a prick tease. It let's you cop a quick feel off freedoms breast when you're making out, but the moment you want to go all the way and get into some hot nasty Dutch style freedom, America gets nervous and is all like "No we can't... Jesus will cry!".
My blue balls ache for Freedom, America! How about a hand job next time you start mass outsourcing!
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no subject
on 2007-02-09 07:42 pm (UTC)I love you.
No really, I do.
no subject
on 2007-02-09 07:55 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2007-02-09 07:45 pm (UTC)the sad thing is she isnt afraid to grab that strap on and mount me while Im asleep.
no subject
on 2007-02-09 07:55 pm (UTC)"Ohhh I heard Bruce Willis is actually a ghost!'.
on 2007-02-09 08:13 pm (UTC)Re: "Ohhh I heard Bruce Willis is actually a ghost!'.
on 2007-02-09 08:27 pm (UTC)Re: "Ohhh I heard Bruce Willis is actually a ghost!'.
on 2007-02-09 08:30 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2007-02-09 08:25 pm (UTC)Is that why you call me America?
;-)
no subject
on 2007-02-09 08:28 pm (UTC)*drum roll*
Thank you, thank you ... i'll be here all night.
no subject
on 2007-02-09 08:46 pm (UTC)However, if you have a flag....
no subject
on 2007-02-13 03:37 am (UTC)no subject
on 2007-02-13 03:13 pm (UTC)