Career Opportunities (the kind that knock on wood)

[jack_babalon]

...but don't they understand that prostitutes are the green spicy salsa in the great Burrito of Life!!!

Seriously though... prostitution is no laughing matter! If you (or someone you care about) are unsure of their current prostitute status then please answer the following questions as quickly and honestly as possible.

1)Have you ever engaged in oral sex for money, to get on a guest list, for food, on a bet or to receive comments on a blog?

2)When factoring in how much to invest in your 401K do you have to work out the market fluctuation of "Punk Ass Johns not tipping right" against the rising interest rate of your Pimps 'Investment Fee'?

3)Knees-Pads are for...
a-Carpentry or people who work in the Tiling industry.
b-Playing Sports or Post Apocalyptic Bikers
c-For Bakkake, Catholic Altar Boys or an "Amazonian Clam Bake"

4)Have you ever had to dress up as a Sailor and do a striptease in front of a crowd of angry, beligerent drunks... and wasn't a member of the United States Navy at the time?

5)What will a $100 get me?

6)Really... that's it?

Thank you. If you answered yes, gave a monetary amount or choose "C" on 3 then you might be at risk for The Prostitution - please follow these steps immediately: First leave a comment in this blog with your name, a daytime phone number, a recent jpeg of yourself dressed as a Catholic School Girl who's just discovered a literary interest in the works of Henry Miller and a list of three references.

Thank you for your time and remember only you can Whore yourself out... ONLY YOU!!!
-MGT

Comments

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Just 4, and I was a RHPS cast member at the time... and they were more like cheerful belligerent drunks.

Seriously, that's a real sign?
(And honey, nobody wants to see me dressed up as a Catholic school girl.)

[jackbabalon23.livejournal.com]

RHPS?
Royal Hazard Patrol Society?

As far as I know.

I said the same thing about myself once upon a time and look at me now... dressed in a tartan skirt, a stuffed bra and a pigtailed wig waiting patiently for the Richard Gere to my Julia Roberts.

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

I give up. I can't out-awful you. Well done.

[jackbabalon23.livejournal.com]

It's like winning the Bizarro Olympics... "Yay me am awfulest post of the day!"

But seriously what's RHPS stand for? My gut instinct tells me Rocky Horror (i'm guessing you were Magenta maybe) or is this something else?

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

You often do have the awfulest post of the day. It's impressive.

Yeah, Rocky Horror, and indeed I was Magenta (with occasional incidents of Janet or Frank). I was cast for somewhere in the 6-8 months range, until some underage kids got in the show with a bottle of Goldschlager, drank the whole thing in 2 hours, and vomited sparkles all over the back row. They shut us down after that.
But we were in a Navy town, and used to go out after the show... that sailor suit story writes itself, basically.

[jackbabalon23.livejournal.com]

Thank you I do my best.

That's a great story though!

Kudos for the visual of the Goldschlager Vomit Sparkles (is that a garage punk band somewhere because if it's not someone needs to jump on that stat!)

[daucus-carota.livejournal.com]

So, when you answered these, did you turn out to be a prostitute?
xxx

[jackbabalon23.livejournal.com]

No absolutely not.

I turned out to be a prostitute waayyyyy before that!

Next question, yes you in the back...

[catwalk.livejournal.com]

i'm confused by the mexican restaurant's asian translation... and english translation... and absolutely no hint of the mexican language anywhere other than the name of the restaurant.

and i prefer "purveyor of purchasable predilections", thanks.

[jackbabalon23.livejournal.com]

I'm not confused by the asian translation: It says clearly that I should neither eat there or attempt to solicit prostitutes.

"purveyor of purchasable predilections" - clever:)