Hump Day Hour Two: Now What?

[jack_babalon]

Meanwhile Integratechs new "Hostile Employee Turn Over" strategy kicks into high gear as the companys motto changes from "Quality: A word that probably doesn't mean what you think it means" to "Kill The Humans".

Oddly enough the Boys in Marketing found that most Focus groups prefered the term "Kill the Humans" over other proposed mottos such as "It's us okay... not you", "Who wants a fuckin' hug?" and "Oops my bad!". Participants Described "Kill the Humans" as "Refreshing", "Terse", "To the point" and "It just has an old school 'BERZERK' feel to it". When asked if they felt threatened by the implications of the phrase most of those surveyed admited that they did indeed fear for their lives... but were just too impressed by the sincerity of the robots resolve. One going so far as to say: "Hey, sure i'm human and all that... but you gotta admit that them Robots say what they mean and say it up front. There's no politics involved you know? At least a guy knows where he stands when dealin' with a friggin' robot..."



Okay to be honest I think i'd just use the 'sturdy boards' as a battering ram to knock the robots off the buildings roof top or, if need be, to smack them up the side of the head when they got too close.

Failing that I guess I could construct a jury-rigged set of glider wings and use those to fly across the building to the helicopter landing!

Comments

[efire360.livejournal.com]

Yes 2x4s are for robot bashing. And why doesn't the helicopter fly to your rooftop? It's a machine, too, maybe it's turned evil as well.

"Why doesn't the helicopter fly to your rooftop"

[jackbabalon23.livejournal.com]

No... nothing so grandiose. The actual explanation is simple: The pilot is a big pussy!

[scottopic.livejournal.com]

Wait, what's the so-called "real answer" obviously generated by computers to have the hapless humans fall into the metallic arms of their minions?
"No, 28' boards will obviously fit across a 30' gap! Our calculations are flawless, hoo-man!"

Also:
http://otherthings.com/grafarc/flash/view.htm

[jackbabalon23.livejournal.com]

I have no idea of the real answer. The truth is i've spent my entire life preparing for the zombie holocaust only to discover that that the swarming hordes of doom were robots... not the walking dead!

*waves fists in air screaming: "ROOOOOMMMMMMMMERRRRRROOOOO!"*

Couldn't get the graffiti archeology thing to load right (might be my work computer) but it looks interesting.

[deadflowers.livejournal.com]

berzerk! o my!

[jackbabalon23.livejournal.com]

Yep as a kid I found the game a perfect metaphor for my life in a NY public school: Running through endless mazes of bureaucracy while dodging mindless hunter drones.

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

If you wedge the board in the throat of a robot, just between the armor plating and the O-ring, you can use it as a launch board to spring across the chasm. True story.

[jackbabalon23.livejournal.com]

Normally i'd agree but when you hear a "CLANG" after punching their heads instead of a "BONK" that means the armor plating wasn't sealed right (you'd be surprised how many supervillains take short cuts in constructing robot herds)... so their throat plating might snap under my weight.


Still a good plan though and one i'll use the next time Ultron goes on one of his genocidal rampages!

[ltmurnau.livejournal.com]

OK, I'm gonna be a Math Nerd and give the answer, though it is unworkable in Real Life.

Take one of the 28' boards and lay it across the corner on building A, touching at 20' out from the bend in the building each way. This makes a triangle with an altitude of 14'. Walk out onto the middle of the board with the other 28' board in your hands, and lay it down in the middle of the first board, and you will just be able to reach Building B and escape the ravening robot hordes, since their great weight will not be supported by the boards.

Of course, in Real Life the boards would not be able to support your weight either, but it is theoretically possible. It would be better just to break one board into handy 4' pieces for clubbin', and take a few with you.

[jackbabalon23.livejournal.com]

Great Job sir, thank you!

I hope i'm in your squad during the Robopocalypse of '09!!

[vomikronnoxis.livejournal.com]

ALSO: Construct battle stilts

[jackbabalon23.livejournal.com]

Very cunning... robots often don't look up, so they might just assume i'm a sign post. Worth a shot in a crunch.