The Records that almost killed Christmas - a retrospective

[jack_babalon]

"Hey nice singing there Klaus Nomi!"

Tonight is the annual Toys-For-Tots benefit over at the Star Bar in Little Five. Bring a gift or ten bucks for the Marine by the Christmas Tree and get good and fucked up with local Hard core Heroes the Despised (voted band most likely to kick your ass three years running - which isn't all that easy when you remember Mastodon comes from these parts as well!)

In honor of this evenings benefit, i'd like to take a moment to look at the music you really don't want to be hearing this Yule time of year.

There are few things that have the emotional impact to ruin Christmas, an otherwise un-fuck-up-able holiday where for 24 hours even the worst malcontent can manage to fake a smile the way an expensive whore can fake an orgasm (man the storys I could tell you about the 90's). However just like your folks getting good and push-one-another-into-the-tree drunk or your Mee-Maw reminiscing about that one special Christmas Eve at the USO where she spent a not-so silent night with a regiment of G.I.'s before they shipped out to Normandy (with all the juicy details included) - these albums somehow manage to stick a rusty ice pick into the eye of the holidays.

Enjoy!!


That night you might have saw mommy doing a lot more with Santa than just 'kissing'... which is why you should remember to leave a plate of cookies out instead of a bottle of Jim Bean, kids no matter how much your dad says different!


In Japan, children used to celebrate the coming of Christmas by chasing around a 12 year old girl who suffered from the Gigantism through the countryside. That all changed in the early 70's when Yukio here flipped out and started beating her pursuers senseless... true story.


Hey kids it's Pedo-Santa....hee-yuck-yuck-yuck... but seriously, if this creepy looking fucker comes down your chimney ... RUN!!!


Is it me or is that stuffed rabbit checking out her legs? Which explains why the red-headed doll is looking the other way silently thinking to herself -"why that Skanky Bitch".


Who'd have guessed Alien Sex Fiend's Ride My Rocket Up Uranus would make a delightful Christmas cover?


It was albums such as this that drove your parents to do large quantities of LSD as teenagers and vote Reagan twenty years later... seriously Howdy Doody will mess with your head like a mother-fucker!


For those of you who prefer Cheesecake over Fruitcake this holiday season.

Comments

[entropic-om.livejournal.com]

Have you seen this book yet: Scouts in Bondage?

It's on display in the humor section of B&N. You might find it amusing.

[jackbabalon23.livejournal.com]

No I haven't. I got a B&N down the block from me so maybe i'll check it out!

[meemeedarling.livejournal.com]

I really hope that one day I have a child who is exactly like that little one plugging her ears!

[gaeasdaughter.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's it ... it was the Howdy Doody. Wouldn't have touched the old lysergic acid diethylamide on a bet if it hadn't been for that damned puppet!