The coming of... Jesus-Shark!!!

[jack_babalon]

So you think things can't get much worse here in the Pre-Apocalyptic Bardos of America? Wall Street now a vertible Land of Hungry Ghosts, the wolves of poverty descending down upon the sleeping suburbs and the cult of Free Market Enterprise have begun passing around the Jim Jones Kook-Aid to their followers ("Ohhhh Yeahhhh").

Well guess what?

Jesus-Shark has arrived!

Scientists: Virginia shark's pup a 'virgin birth'

RICHMOND, Va. - Scientists have confirmed the second case of a "virgin birth" in a shark. In a study reported Friday in the Journal of Fish Biology, scientists said DNA testing proved that a pup carried by a female Atlantic blacktip shark in the Virginia Aquarium & Marine Science Center contained no genetic material from a male.

Sure, the scientists might want to use all fancified words like 'asexual reproduction' and 'parthenogenesis', but just ask any Hockey Mom or Joe Six-Pack down on Main Street and they'll tell you that's all just jibber-jabber for 'Immaculate Conception'. Biblical scholars have long agreed that the Second Coming will not be that of the gentle lamb... but rather as a mindless killing machine (sort of like a Slyvester Stallone character... only with more personality).

Remember though that this is in fact the second such virgin shark birth. The first Virgin Birth Shark was actually an incarnation of the Great God Shiva. It is possible that the Gods are attempting to come back to our world as a race of Super-Sharks. They will war amongst themselves before the victor emerges to conqueor our world and enslave the humans that have survived the God Shark Wars.

Or maybe this is just the Anti-Christ Shark who was to be born shortly after the coming of Jesus Shark?

It's all just a little too much for me right now, I'm sorry...

Let us all know lower our heads and pray to Jesus Shark for guidance.

Comments

[entropic-om.livejournal.com]

Does that mean the song should be changed to "Michael Don't Row The Boat Ashore"?

[jackbabalon23.livejournal.com]

I'm not familiar with the song you're referencing sorry.

[weishaupt.livejournal.com]

Nope. This is the return of Gozer the Gozerian, who will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, he came as a large and moving Torg. During the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, he came as a giant Slor.

[jackbabalon23.livejournal.com]

Oh, well that's that then.

[therealmacgyver.livejournal.com]

I've actually had an idea for a Jesus Shark cartoon or comic since the first virgin birth. He's got a halo over his dorsal fin, only eats seaweed and pals around with Mary Manta-Ray (the slutty whore). Didn't get much further in developing the idea than that though...

[jackbabalon23.livejournal.com]

Sounds funny, man... you should play around with it a bit and see what you come up with.

[shadow27.livejournal.com]

The only reason I know what Parthenogenesis means is because I looked it up after getting Shriekback's Nemesis EP.

I am a nerd on so many levels it's amazing

Tinkerbell and Jack the Ripper

[jackbabalon23.livejournal.com]

Great... now I have Nemesis playing on repeat in my mp3 Skull Stereo System. There's nothing to do now but the play the song as loud as I can until it is sucessfully purged from my consciousness.

Oh you DJ's:)