Tick Tock Clarice!
Mar. 30th, 2005 02:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jack_babalonThere's a rupture in the time stream!
Again!
It seems that in the 12 and 1/2 hours i've been here hustling bills and state laws, only five hours have actually passed on the clock. I've entered a rare field of relativity, one where time is compressed into a measurement best defined by physicists as the OPF field. The OPF(Old People Fucking) field, is a bubble of consciousness that refracts the flow of information around the subject, creating the illusion of increased temporal awarenes. There is a lot of serious research into this field, including the famous Kizenoff theory, that states that a certain level of immortality can be achieved by reaching a supreme state of boredom, not just any boredom, not watching paint dry bored or even a Ben Afleck movie bored, it's got to be the bored of the fakirs and yogafreaks, who are so 'over it' that a huge fucking hook dangling out of their cock is just another 'been there, done that' moment. There are plenty of B list celebrities that can thank the Kizenoff theory for their prolonged golden years. But in the meanwhile the effects of the field are all around me. A small stack of paperwork has suddenly reproduced itself, creating generations upon generations of other paperwork that have, in mere minutes, become a mountain colony of bills that is quickly spreading unchecked across my desk. Sweet Ishtar's Kiss this can't be good! Page after page of demands, threats, bribes, revisions, lies, and more threats for money that is neither owed nor deserved. Only a syphlitic madman would allow this contagion to go unchecked, it's clearly time to take the iniative. Luckily I've trained for this sort of thing....
Okay i'm back. Apparently management did not like my idea to take all this paperwork and create a flaming effigy in the break room. Too bad. I planned on going all 'burning man' with it, and had already begun to strip down and paint my face up with tribal weaves using the ink out of snapped pens and dabbing White Out across my brow to form protective hieroglyphics. This is the problem with the office, there is no room for improvisation. Well I took the stack back to the desk. I can't put it off anymore, theres only one thing to do now. Hop on the internet and lay low until the OPF field cracks. Sadly when the OPF dissolves, time speeds up to make up for it's decreased flow. That is why your average weekend seems to dissolve in the space of a few hours. Yes, I know a lot of you thought it was all the drugs and sex, but i'm here to tell you that it is in fact the OPF field.
Opps breaks up. 20 minutes have spilled out of five, the OPF field is reforming invisibly in the air around me.
Back to work, four hours of forever left.
Again!
It seems that in the 12 and 1/2 hours i've been here hustling bills and state laws, only five hours have actually passed on the clock. I've entered a rare field of relativity, one where time is compressed into a measurement best defined by physicists as the OPF field. The OPF(Old People Fucking) field, is a bubble of consciousness that refracts the flow of information around the subject, creating the illusion of increased temporal awarenes. There is a lot of serious research into this field, including the famous Kizenoff theory, that states that a certain level of immortality can be achieved by reaching a supreme state of boredom, not just any boredom, not watching paint dry bored or even a Ben Afleck movie bored, it's got to be the bored of the fakirs and yogafreaks, who are so 'over it' that a huge fucking hook dangling out of their cock is just another 'been there, done that' moment. There are plenty of B list celebrities that can thank the Kizenoff theory for their prolonged golden years. But in the meanwhile the effects of the field are all around me. A small stack of paperwork has suddenly reproduced itself, creating generations upon generations of other paperwork that have, in mere minutes, become a mountain colony of bills that is quickly spreading unchecked across my desk. Sweet Ishtar's Kiss this can't be good! Page after page of demands, threats, bribes, revisions, lies, and more threats for money that is neither owed nor deserved. Only a syphlitic madman would allow this contagion to go unchecked, it's clearly time to take the iniative. Luckily I've trained for this sort of thing....
Okay i'm back. Apparently management did not like my idea to take all this paperwork and create a flaming effigy in the break room. Too bad. I planned on going all 'burning man' with it, and had already begun to strip down and paint my face up with tribal weaves using the ink out of snapped pens and dabbing White Out across my brow to form protective hieroglyphics. This is the problem with the office, there is no room for improvisation. Well I took the stack back to the desk. I can't put it off anymore, theres only one thing to do now. Hop on the internet and lay low until the OPF field cracks. Sadly when the OPF dissolves, time speeds up to make up for it's decreased flow. That is why your average weekend seems to dissolve in the space of a few hours. Yes, I know a lot of you thought it was all the drugs and sex, but i'm here to tell you that it is in fact the OPF field.
Opps breaks up. 20 minutes have spilled out of five, the OPF field is reforming invisibly in the air around me.
Back to work, four hours of forever left.