Cold Comforts
Mar. 13th, 2009 01:52 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jack_babalonThe mistakes have fallen like snowflakes across my life - I can safely say no two have ever been quite the same. After awhile they began to accumulate around me. At first there was just enough to scrape up snow balls. These I packed tight in cold fists and aimed at all the obvious targets. Years later I would find myself surrounded with the resources to build a snow man. Little more than a clumsy facsimile at first... but after awhile I learned to sculpt the details in just right until I had something better than simple reflection. In time I had created an icy doppleganger of myself for company and he would be enough at the end of the day. Still they kept falling, relentless, blinding the eye and blanketing even the warmest day around me with a secret winter. So I built a snow fortress for my silent doppleganger and I. It wasn't much really, but with enough books and a little music we managed to get by. Occasionally a visitor would even spend the night, keeping us warm and leaving long before morning would arrive. I never knew truthfully if it was me or my snow man's company they sought.
Then sometime ago the ceiling of my fortress started to drip. The walls were melting all around us. A harsh light burned through the windows and door, their frames growing wider until only the barest skeleton of the fortress remained. I grabbed my doppleganger and ran outside before the roof collapsed around us. We stood there watching the chunks of ice float in the puddle along with the rafts of splayed novels and opened CD cases. I looked up... the sun burned down through waning flurries with a strengthing radiance. It had been too long. My private winter had passed. The world I built out of each irredeemable fuck-up, each act of self induced disaster, each bullet to the foot I shot had begun to evaporate around me into a haze of steam. It was then that I remembered my doppleganger and the peril this new environment induced. Turning towards my companion I discovered my concerns came to late. What little that remained of him had been reduced to the top half of his head submerging gradually into the puddle that was once his body. I kneeled down to save what I could, I scooped up the winking facade, accidentally crumbling it in my hand until I held only a single eye remained intact within my palm.
I held it up against my face, patching the left eye and squinting up through it to the clear sky above. Its icy surface clear, distorting the light into a spectrum of faint colors that ripple across my vision. But then even this melted, trickling off the fingers and running down the wrists leaving nothing but a quick shiver behind.
Then sometime ago the ceiling of my fortress started to drip. The walls were melting all around us. A harsh light burned through the windows and door, their frames growing wider until only the barest skeleton of the fortress remained. I grabbed my doppleganger and ran outside before the roof collapsed around us. We stood there watching the chunks of ice float in the puddle along with the rafts of splayed novels and opened CD cases. I looked up... the sun burned down through waning flurries with a strengthing radiance. It had been too long. My private winter had passed. The world I built out of each irredeemable fuck-up, each act of self induced disaster, each bullet to the foot I shot had begun to evaporate around me into a haze of steam. It was then that I remembered my doppleganger and the peril this new environment induced. Turning towards my companion I discovered my concerns came to late. What little that remained of him had been reduced to the top half of his head submerging gradually into the puddle that was once his body. I kneeled down to save what I could, I scooped up the winking facade, accidentally crumbling it in my hand until I held only a single eye remained intact within my palm.
I held it up against my face, patching the left eye and squinting up through it to the clear sky above. Its icy surface clear, distorting the light into a spectrum of faint colors that ripple across my vision. But then even this melted, trickling off the fingers and running down the wrists leaving nothing but a quick shiver behind.
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no subject
on 2009-03-13 07:22 pm (UTC)(but then again, what doesn't remind me of them?),
called "winter in your heart"
"is it still winter in your heart?
do you refuse another season's start?
the birds have all flown from my trees
they've gone away with all my yesterdays and used-to-bes..."
no subject
on 2009-03-13 09:24 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2009-03-13 09:29 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2009-03-13 09:58 pm (UTC)I would send it to a friend I've long since lost contact with, but he would misconstrue it....
no subject
on 2009-03-14 05:27 pm (UTC)Sorry about your friend... I know the feeling all to well.