jack_babalon | Stronger than Reason...

"...and punch and kick and punch and kick and swooooop down low. Hold that crouch, ladies. Now look for the key. That's it feel the burn. Awesome! Now pick up the key. Hold the key up to the light. Now put the key in the lock but the door won't open... so punch and kick and punch and kick... alright ladies, looking good. Now lets get a drink at the bar and... oh wait! The DJ's playing Thorns... oh-my-god it's the Distant Voices remix! They never play this anymore! Okay everyone Wumpscut curls on one, two, three and one, two, three and tonight we all, sleep in hell!"

Finally, someone figured out that aerobics instruction videos and Nietzschean post-apocalyptic EBM power anthems made the perfect couple. I mean, hello, I've only been saying this for like... forever. Now it's sort of like finding out that Suzanne Somers was having an affair with Al Jourgensen and that somebody only just now posted the sex tapes on YouTube. Sure it's still pretty cool to think about and definitely the perfect your-peanut-butter-is-in-my-chocolate brain fuck... but to be honest it's a little too little and little too late. I mean what with VNV Nation's seminal - "Pilates for a Lost Utopia Burning" and Andy LaPlegua's - "Skull Fuck Those Pounds Away the Combichrist Way!" DVD practically redefining the entire cardio-industrial scene.

Oh well, at least there's still time to get in on the ground floor for the next big thing in the rivethead scene: Gothic Industrial Deathrock for Toddlers (Cue Music as a multi-cultural chorus of small children chanting "DIG IT! DIG IT!" rises out of the yawning void).

Next week: DJ Shock-Ra Zulu's Rave Secrets to a Slimmer You (warning - may require generous amounts of E and Speed before attempting).