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jack_babalonThe following chronology has been pieced together from 'lost' archives recovered using The Freedom of Information Act, various Internet powered Ouija boards, the black mailing of several high ranking (though retired) government officials and the application of sordid sexual favors to top level members of the Freemasonic Community.
***START TRANSMISSION***
August 16th, 1977:
Elvis Aaron Presley - legendary rock n' roll pioneer, movie star, atomic age fertility god and C.I.A. operative (code name: "Hound Dog") - fakes his own death utilizing the Colonel's secret recipe for voodoo and codeine flavored fried chicken.
August 17th - 18th:
As the nation mourns the loss of one of their most beloved cultural icons, a clandestine black-ops coven has been summoned to the Pentagon's Basement X (aka 'The Heartbreak Hotel') in order to resurrect their 'King'.
Little do they realize the extensive damage the Colonel's secret recipe has inflicted upon the King's already drug-ravaged nervous system.
What emerges is a remorseless zombie killing machine, one with a voice of gravely Mississippi thunder and a ravenous appetite for human flesh.
All thirteen members of the coven are paralyzed by the hypnotic lullabies of the Zombie King... before being cannibalized whole.
Before emergency lock down protocols could be initiated, the Zombie King escapes Basement X. Elvis, it would seem, has once again left the building.
August 21st - 28th:
A massacre at a REDACTED KFC leaves 18 dead. Lone survivor, Arbuckle Green, reports a snarling, pompadoured, karate wielding ghoul as the culprit. The news story is quickly buried and Arbuckle Green goes missing. His body will be found a little over a year later at the People's Temple massacre in Jonestown.
Similar fast-food/zombie Elvis related attacks are reported across the Northeast.
September 9th:
Under presidential orders specially deputized agents Lee Majors, John Shaft, Billy Lo and Kelly Garrett are contracted to locate and 'exterminate with extreme prejudice the dreaded 'Zombie King'.
October 3rd:
In the town of REDACTED two hundred and seveny three witnesses claim to have seen Elvis battling a sasquatch at a local diner. The decapitated sasquatch head is soon retrieved from the fryer by a team of 'mysterious men in black' (one of which is reported to possess incredible, almost 'bionic', powers).
November 12th:
Not impressed with the results of Lee Major's special ops team to reign in the Zombie King, the President orders Operation Blue Suede Shoes to be enacted. The plan is to create an Elvis clone (utilizing classified Area 51 and Third Reich bioengineering technology obtained during Project Paperclip) that will hunt down the zombified Elvis.
However the cloning process is a failure; creating a platoon of snarling, drooling, hip gyrating, sex fiends of questionable mental stability. Of these clones only one was permitted to survive in order to infiltrate the then growing punk scene (see 'Glenn Danzig').
December 8th:
Twenty two miles outside Las Vegas, Lee Major's specially selected team corner and trap Elvis in a pit stop off REDACTED. The ensuing battle was not without its casualties. Billy Lo was mortally wounded in a spectacular bout of hand-to-hand combat with the snarling rockabilly ghoul. Special agent Lee Majors had his bionic arm severed by the raging creature, which was then used to bludgeon Shaft unconscious. Only the quick thinking of Agent Garrett, who hot wired a nearby Peterbilt and used it to repeatedly ram the undying 'King' into submission.
Mission accomplished the 'body' of the 'King' is transported to an undisclosed wharehouse where it is stored adjacent to Hitler's brain and the Arc of the Convenant.
***END TRANSMISSION***
Special Agent 'Hound Dog' receiving a special thanks from President Richard Nixon for his specail role as 'Third Gun Man.'
August 16th, 1977:
Elvis Aaron Presley - legendary rock n' roll pioneer, movie star, atomic age fertility god and C.I.A. operative (code name: "Hound Dog") - fakes his own death utilizing the Colonel's secret recipe for voodoo and codeine flavored fried chicken.
August 17th - 18th:
As the nation mourns the loss of one of their most beloved cultural icons, a clandestine black-ops coven has been summoned to the Pentagon's Basement X (aka 'The Heartbreak Hotel') in order to resurrect their 'King'.
Little do they realize the extensive damage the Colonel's secret recipe has inflicted upon the King's already drug-ravaged nervous system.
What emerges is a remorseless zombie killing machine, one with a voice of gravely Mississippi thunder and a ravenous appetite for human flesh.
All thirteen members of the coven are paralyzed by the hypnotic lullabies of the Zombie King... before being cannibalized whole.
Before emergency lock down protocols could be initiated, the Zombie King escapes Basement X. Elvis, it would seem, has once again left the building.
August 21st - 28th:
A massacre at a REDACTED KFC leaves 18 dead. Lone survivor, Arbuckle Green, reports a snarling, pompadoured, karate wielding ghoul as the culprit. The news story is quickly buried and Arbuckle Green goes missing. His body will be found a little over a year later at the People's Temple massacre in Jonestown.
Similar fast-food/zombie Elvis related attacks are reported across the Northeast.
September 9th:
Under presidential orders specially deputized agents Lee Majors, John Shaft, Billy Lo and Kelly Garrett are contracted to locate and 'exterminate with extreme prejudice the dreaded 'Zombie King'.
October 3rd:
In the town of REDACTED two hundred and seveny three witnesses claim to have seen Elvis battling a sasquatch at a local diner. The decapitated sasquatch head is soon retrieved from the fryer by a team of 'mysterious men in black' (one of which is reported to possess incredible, almost 'bionic', powers).
November 12th:
Not impressed with the results of Lee Major's special ops team to reign in the Zombie King, the President orders Operation Blue Suede Shoes to be enacted. The plan is to create an Elvis clone (utilizing classified Area 51 and Third Reich bioengineering technology obtained during Project Paperclip) that will hunt down the zombified Elvis.
However the cloning process is a failure; creating a platoon of snarling, drooling, hip gyrating, sex fiends of questionable mental stability. Of these clones only one was permitted to survive in order to infiltrate the then growing punk scene (see 'Glenn Danzig').
December 8th:
Twenty two miles outside Las Vegas, Lee Major's specially selected team corner and trap Elvis in a pit stop off REDACTED. The ensuing battle was not without its casualties. Billy Lo was mortally wounded in a spectacular bout of hand-to-hand combat with the snarling rockabilly ghoul. Special agent Lee Majors had his bionic arm severed by the raging creature, which was then used to bludgeon Shaft unconscious. Only the quick thinking of Agent Garrett, who hot wired a nearby Peterbilt and used it to repeatedly ram the undying 'King' into submission.
Mission accomplished the 'body' of the 'King' is transported to an undisclosed wharehouse where it is stored adjacent to Hitler's brain and the Arc of the Convenant.
Special Agent 'Hound Dog' receiving a special thanks from President Richard Nixon for his specail role as 'Third Gun Man.'
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no subject
on 2010-08-17 03:23 am (UTC)that is a man i could fall for...
no subject
on 2010-08-17 05:32 am (UTC)no subject
on 2010-08-17 05:19 am (UTC)Man at the tit shots that pop up when you do a GIS on Zombie Elvis :)
no subject
on 2010-08-17 05:32 am (UTC)no subject
on 2010-08-17 05:24 am (UTC)no subject
on 2010-08-17 05:33 am (UTC)