How I met your grandmother...

[jack_babalon]

"... later, your grandmother and I would grab a cab down to Times Square to score some 'tea' from her old friend, Herbert Huncke. From there we'd go back to her place in the Village and light up a few reefer cigarettes to really get the show going. She used to go crazy on the stuff. Wild. She'd blast Bird's Birth of Cool on the Hi-Fi, clamber out the window, climb the fire escape to the roof and then immediately strip off her clothes and toss them down to the street below. One night, we watched two winos fight each other for her panties. True story! From there she'd usually start shouting verses from Howl to the skyline..."

"Yeah, that's great, but..."

"Then we'd fuck like werewolves until dawn. Your grandmother was quite the 'freaky' as you kids say..."

"It's just 'freak' and..."

"Yes, quite the freak, that woman. She even pulled a Van Gogh on me once... which is how I lost the bottom half of my ear. Here, go ahead, touch it..."

"No, really, I'm good..."

"C'mon don't be such a pussy! It's good luck. Go on, touch it..."

"'Good Luck'?"

"Don't be afraid... it won't bite. Much."

"Alright... there. Satisfied."

"See... that's where your grandmother just bit it off. Now, that's not the only scar she left behind. Here, let me just take these off and I'll show you where she really went to town on me..."

"Okay, enough! Seriously, I don't wanna hear it. I mean if you were my granddad or something that'd be one thing, but dude, I only just met you, like, a few minutes ago..."

"Alright, easy, son... easy. I was just making conversation, here. Thought you might wanna know that your grandmother had a life beyond making you chocolate chip cookies and sending out a five dollar bill in a Christmas card once a year."

"You thought I wanted to know that my grandmother was a ear-biting freak back in the day?"

"One of the best!"

"Wow... yeah, alright, um... I'll just update that on my Facebook status, right away. Thanks for the scoop there, Walter Kronkite."

"Fine... but let me ask you this then, Mister Smart-ass..."

"What?"

"When was the last time you climbed up a fire escape with a beautiful woman and then got stoned, naked and laid on the roof?"

"..."

"Yeah, well why doncha go 'update' that little tidbit to your Statusbook?"

Old man pushes his stool back from the bar. He lays down two twenties and nods a goodbye to the bartender. The young man sitting next to him watches the man amble out with small steps.

"Another?" the Bartender asks stoically, scooping up the bills and wiping down the bar where they just laid.

The young man looks up from the smart phone his face has been buried in the whole time and croaks - "Definitely."