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jack_babalonSimilar to a controversial measure passed in Arizona, the Georgia House of Representatives recently passed a rigorous anti-immigration law, House Bill 87, allowing law enforcement officials to check the status of a detainee’s citizenship while in their custody. Recently I, along with my intrepid camera crew, were allowed to ride along with officers Ramirez and Kwon of the APD in order to document the impact of HB 87’s passage.
Location: Atticus Finch Boulevard…
Time: 3:21am…
Narrator: Officers Kwon and Ramirez have been following a suspiciously driven pickup truck for the last ten minutes. Having had the license plate number run through they have received confirmation that the tags are indeed as suspected, expired and have just pulled the truck over.
Kwon (disembarking from the cruiser): Okay, that… that right there. (Shines his Mag Lite on the back window of the truck’s cab, revealing the draped Battle Flag of the Confederacy.) That is literally, and I mean literally, a red flag that we’re dealing with a possible illegal immigrant here.
Ramirez (approaching pickup truck with Kwon and sneering with disgust at the truck’s flag): Y’know I just don’t get these people. They live in our country, get drunk on my tax funded welfare checks and get fat on my tax funded food stamps… and yet they have the gall to fly that *BLEEPING* thing in their window. What’s wrong with Old Glory, huh?
Kwon: I just can’t stand the way these people refuse to speak English.
Narrator: ‘People’?
Ramirez: Hey… we’re not racists or anything like that. We’re just saying if you’re gonna live in the United States what’s wrong with learning to speak English?
Kwon (reaching the truck): Alright, we’re gonna need you guys to stand back a few yards while we deal with this. (Turns to the driver’s side window and taps on it.)
Driver (baseball capped and shirtless, leans through the open window): Sum’thin da matta dere, off-a-suh?
Kwon (looks over to the camera and shakes his head sadly): See what I mean?
Ramirez (to Kwon): It’s okay… I can speak a little Redneck. (Turns to driver.) Boy, Ah’m gonna need t’see yer license and registration.
Driver: Muh whuh?
Ramirez: Them there big guvamint papers what says this here be yer truck.
Driver (mumbles incoherently and rummages through his cab and produces the requested documents): There y’go, off-a-suh.
Kwon steps back to the cruiser to have the license checked out. Ramirez begins questioning the driver.
Ramirez: Alright boy, Ah’m gonna need t’see yer birth certificate please. Long form preferably.
Driver: Whuh?
Ramirez: Or your circumcision papers will do, if you have those handy…
Driver: Shee-it, you already done got muh lie-sense. Whuh more y’want?
Ramirez (visibly frustrated): Alright, I’m gonna have to ask you to step out of the car, boy.
Driver mutters incoherently, complies and stagger-swaggers defiantly out of the cab.
Ramirez (grabs and spins the driver around before cuffing him, speaks to driver but looks at camera): I want you to understand I’m doing this for my own protection, Sir.
Driver (confused): Now jes a god damn minute now…
Ramirez (casually removes his taser from his belt and applies a quick jolt to the driver’s neck to produce a loud, wounded bloodhound howl): Also for my protection.
Driver collapses and begins convulsing.
Kwon (returning) : Alright, he checks out… whoah, what happened?
Ramirez: No birth certificate.
Kwon: Not even his circumcision papers?
Ramirez: Nope… started getting mouthy with me about it too.
Kwon: Y’know I just hate how these people keep demanding special rights…
Ramirez: Tell me about it…
Driver (still flopping around on the ground and gurgling foam): Auh wuz ‘orn ‘ere dammit!
Kwon: Oh for fuck’s sake… speak English, man. You’re not in Dixie Land anymore, okay… you’re in America. Got it? A-mer-i-ca!
Ramirez (to Kwon): So, what do you want to do with him?
Kwon: Let’s take him in and let INS figure it out.
Ramirez shrugs compliance. Both officers proceed to scoop the still convulsing driver up and haul him into the back of the cruiser.
Ramirez: The thing is, for everyone of these guys we catch, there’s a hundred more out there leeching the system dry. (To camera) – And hey, before you go all bleeding heart on us there Mister Documentary Man, remember it’s people like him that make it hard for the honest ones who come here and try to become honest, productive citizens… like them Canadians.
Kwon: C’mon now, partner. You know the score… we do the best we can, when we can.
Ramirez (pounds his chest proudly): Thin Blue Line, Baby!
Kwon (returns salute): Thin Blue Line!
Both officers simultaneously: Hoo-yah!
Officers Ramirez and Kwon get back into the cruiser and drive off. Moments later, we realize that we were riding in the back seat with them initially and now have no way back. My camera crew and I then embarked on the harrowing experience of trying to find a cab in this part of the city after dark. Still, without the thankless efforts of officers like Ramirez and Kwon, there is little doubt our proud country would be overrun with these undocumented laborers from the Former Confederacy of the United States as they stole valuable mechanic and right-wing talk radio jobs from decent, hard working Americans.
God bless you officers Ramirez and Kwon. God bless you and God bless America!
Location: Atticus Finch Boulevard…
Time: 3:21am…
Narrator: Officers Kwon and Ramirez have been following a suspiciously driven pickup truck for the last ten minutes. Having had the license plate number run through they have received confirmation that the tags are indeed as suspected, expired and have just pulled the truck over.
Kwon (disembarking from the cruiser): Okay, that… that right there. (Shines his Mag Lite on the back window of the truck’s cab, revealing the draped Battle Flag of the Confederacy.) That is literally, and I mean literally, a red flag that we’re dealing with a possible illegal immigrant here.
Ramirez (approaching pickup truck with Kwon and sneering with disgust at the truck’s flag): Y’know I just don’t get these people. They live in our country, get drunk on my tax funded welfare checks and get fat on my tax funded food stamps… and yet they have the gall to fly that *BLEEPING* thing in their window. What’s wrong with Old Glory, huh?
Kwon: I just can’t stand the way these people refuse to speak English.
Narrator: ‘People’?
Ramirez: Hey… we’re not racists or anything like that. We’re just saying if you’re gonna live in the United States what’s wrong with learning to speak English?
Kwon (reaching the truck): Alright, we’re gonna need you guys to stand back a few yards while we deal with this. (Turns to the driver’s side window and taps on it.)
Driver (baseball capped and shirtless, leans through the open window): Sum’thin da matta dere, off-a-suh?
Kwon (looks over to the camera and shakes his head sadly): See what I mean?
Ramirez (to Kwon): It’s okay… I can speak a little Redneck. (Turns to driver.) Boy, Ah’m gonna need t’see yer license and registration.
Driver: Muh whuh?
Ramirez: Them there big guvamint papers what says this here be yer truck.
Driver (mumbles incoherently and rummages through his cab and produces the requested documents): There y’go, off-a-suh.
Kwon steps back to the cruiser to have the license checked out. Ramirez begins questioning the driver.
Ramirez: Alright boy, Ah’m gonna need t’see yer birth certificate please. Long form preferably.
Driver: Whuh?
Ramirez: Or your circumcision papers will do, if you have those handy…
Driver: Shee-it, you already done got muh lie-sense. Whuh more y’want?
Ramirez (visibly frustrated): Alright, I’m gonna have to ask you to step out of the car, boy.
Driver mutters incoherently, complies and stagger-swaggers defiantly out of the cab.
Ramirez (grabs and spins the driver around before cuffing him, speaks to driver but looks at camera): I want you to understand I’m doing this for my own protection, Sir.
Driver (confused): Now jes a god damn minute now…
Ramirez (casually removes his taser from his belt and applies a quick jolt to the driver’s neck to produce a loud, wounded bloodhound howl): Also for my protection.
Driver collapses and begins convulsing.
Kwon (returning) : Alright, he checks out… whoah, what happened?
Ramirez: No birth certificate.
Kwon: Not even his circumcision papers?
Ramirez: Nope… started getting mouthy with me about it too.
Kwon: Y’know I just hate how these people keep demanding special rights…
Ramirez: Tell me about it…
Driver (still flopping around on the ground and gurgling foam): Auh wuz ‘orn ‘ere dammit!
Kwon: Oh for fuck’s sake… speak English, man. You’re not in Dixie Land anymore, okay… you’re in America. Got it? A-mer-i-ca!
Ramirez (to Kwon): So, what do you want to do with him?
Kwon: Let’s take him in and let INS figure it out.
Ramirez shrugs compliance. Both officers proceed to scoop the still convulsing driver up and haul him into the back of the cruiser.
Ramirez: The thing is, for everyone of these guys we catch, there’s a hundred more out there leeching the system dry. (To camera) – And hey, before you go all bleeding heart on us there Mister Documentary Man, remember it’s people like him that make it hard for the honest ones who come here and try to become honest, productive citizens… like them Canadians.
Kwon: C’mon now, partner. You know the score… we do the best we can, when we can.
Ramirez (pounds his chest proudly): Thin Blue Line, Baby!
Kwon (returns salute): Thin Blue Line!
Both officers simultaneously: Hoo-yah!
Officers Ramirez and Kwon get back into the cruiser and drive off. Moments later, we realize that we were riding in the back seat with them initially and now have no way back. My camera crew and I then embarked on the harrowing experience of trying to find a cab in this part of the city after dark. Still, without the thankless efforts of officers like Ramirez and Kwon, there is little doubt our proud country would be overrun with these undocumented laborers from the Former Confederacy of the United States as they stole valuable mechanic and right-wing talk radio jobs from decent, hard working Americans.
God bless you officers Ramirez and Kwon. God bless you and God bless America!