Jitters & Jive
Jun. 16th, 2012 04:12 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jack_babalonForgive me a brief moment of candidness,.... I promise I'll do my best to make it brief. The last few days have been rough. My first Father's Day without a father approaches. Every time I try to watch something on TV I'm bombarded with messages, images, pitches and pleas often with a theme of - "Don't forget, your dear old dad this Sunday", and quick clips of happy sons dutifully attending their father's satisfaction ensue. Not just on TV either, but even here in Internet-land I'm betrayed by pop up ads that blink desperately to remind me of last minute gift ideas for a man exactly one grave away from my life. The process has soured my vision to be honest, haunted my moods and nagged at my thoughts. I fear I do not meet the measure of his approval still, even being 40 years now into the game. What would he say to this man I've become I wonder, what words would he comfort or scold me with towards his vision of perfect-me.
And yet, tonight, well this morning really, I stand on the precipice of seeing something I've long dreamed of come true. Tomorrow - after a thousand delays, doubts and obstacles - the movie is being made. A short film, a sketch piece really, but one based on one of my short stories. My friends, one by one, have fallen into place to be there when I needed them. Princess, Magpie, Teddy Bear and so many others have pulled strings, called in favors, squeezed in time, laid down cash or sacrificed time just to come make a silly little narrative that crawled out of my mind's eye onto a page into an actual, well, thing.
Something funny, scary and sad. Something fantastically absurd and absolutely true. Something that will bring me a step closer to the place I've always wanted to be.
So that's me of late I guess. I'm giddy and guilt ridden. I'm ecstatic and tragic. I'm on the cusp of finally proving myself to a ghost.
I just wish he could see me now. Not just me but us. All of us. To see what I'm a part of and what we we're going to do tomorrow is just going to be the start of something magnificent.
Fuck it, maybe it's just the pre-tomorrow drinks I had maybe just one too many of. Maybe I'm drunk and seeking solace in the pipe's numb comfort. Alright, I said I'd be brief and really what else can I say but thank you.
And yet, tonight, well this morning really, I stand on the precipice of seeing something I've long dreamed of come true. Tomorrow - after a thousand delays, doubts and obstacles - the movie is being made. A short film, a sketch piece really, but one based on one of my short stories. My friends, one by one, have fallen into place to be there when I needed them. Princess, Magpie, Teddy Bear and so many others have pulled strings, called in favors, squeezed in time, laid down cash or sacrificed time just to come make a silly little narrative that crawled out of my mind's eye onto a page into an actual, well, thing.
Something funny, scary and sad. Something fantastically absurd and absolutely true. Something that will bring me a step closer to the place I've always wanted to be.
So that's me of late I guess. I'm giddy and guilt ridden. I'm ecstatic and tragic. I'm on the cusp of finally proving myself to a ghost.
I just wish he could see me now. Not just me but us. All of us. To see what I'm a part of and what we we're going to do tomorrow is just going to be the start of something magnificent.
Fuck it, maybe it's just the pre-tomorrow drinks I had maybe just one too many of. Maybe I'm drunk and seeking solace in the pipe's numb comfort. Alright, I said I'd be brief and really what else can I say but thank you.