My Father's Ghost

[jack_babalon]

Earlier this evening, out of some combination of vanity and boredom, I typed my real name into Youtube's search engine, curious to see what results might come up. I'm not sure what I expected. An old short film I might've been an extra in during my time in Collective Works or something along those lines maybe. What I found instead completely changed my day. Right there within the first few videos I saw my father's face. Suddenly I remembered: ages ago my cousin the burdgeoning director made a short-film for my father while he was down there visiting my parents in Orlando. The point of the film was to highlight my father's experience as a copywriter in the travel and real estate markets to prospective clients. I opened the link and clicked play. I watched him come back to 'life', I watched him back in his old apartment complex down in Orlando. He was talking again and it hit me that this was now the longest amount of time I've spent without hearing his voice. Even in the Navy I would call home every port I hit and when I moved up here to Terminus we made sure to stay in touch at least once a week. It was really I don't know - sad, strange, scary - hearing his voice again after so long. I didn't remember him ever having an accent but for some reason I can 'hear' it now. However unsettling it was to see my father's 'ghost' it also reminded me of what he was like before the tumor. Funny, clever and imaginative. It was good seeing him but... I can't lie it really hurt at the same time.

This is it right here: